Caroline in Richard's Mother's Womb
by mitch1
Summary: Caroline has fallen on hard times.
1. Caroline in Richard's Mother's Womb

**Caroline in Richard's Mother's Womb**

Written by Mitch

Email: mitch_work1@yahoo.com

Rating: PG

Genre: Drama

Chapters: 18

Summary: Caroline has fallen on hard times.

Author's note: At the beginning of this story, Richard and Julia have been married for 1-1/2 years, and still live in his old apartment, as poor as ever. Characters' thoughts are in _italics_.

Thanks to Eliza for her help and encouragement.

Chapter 1

"Hey Red, are you okay? Hey Red, wake up!" said the bum as he jostled the mousy little redhead.

The redhead struggled to get her eyes even half open. _"Where am I?"_ she wondered. She resembled a rag doll, and was a real mess. She closed her eyes again.

"Oh, no you don't! You can't stay here!" declared the bum, as he jostled her again. "You gotta get up!"

She again struggled to open her eyes, and looked around. It had stopped raining. The rest of the alley was wet, but they were mostly dry in their corner, under their "roof", a large rectangular piece of canvas with a wooden frame, leaning against a wall. _"What was it?"_ she tried to recall through her foggy memory. _"Ah, now I remember. When it started to rain, I ran to this alley for shelter when I saw this roof."_ She had recognized it as a familiar painting, even though nearly three years of the elements had taken their toll. She had checked the lower right to confirm her suspicions. "Karinsky" she read. _"What was it? What was it he called it? … Oh yeah, "My Mother's Womb"_ she had thought _"Richard, my sweet Richard"._ Though it had been months since she had seen or spoken to him, her obsession with Richard was as strong as ever. She muttered "Richard, Richard…" and passed out again.

The woman's breathing became shallow, and the bum became worried. "Oh shit" he muttered. He thought a moment about what to do, then he remembered something. The bum's friend (more of an acquaintance, really), Charlie, had put the word out on the street a couple of weeks ago to be on the lookout for a petite redhead, and this dame certainly fit the description. He'd go see Charlie, and tell him about her.

******

The bum was in the lobby, and examined the listings. _"There it is! Cassidy Greeting Cards. But they have several floors. Shit! Which one is Charlie on?"_ he puzzled.

"I'm sorry sir, you can't go up" said the guard, as he eyed the bum suspiciously. "I'm sure what you're looking for isn't here."

"Yes it is" answered the bum. "Cassidy Greeting Cards" he said as he pointed to the listing. "I'm looking for my friend Charlie".

"Charlie, huh?" responded the guard, suspiciously. "What's his last name?"

"I don't know" answered the bum, defiantly. "But he always goes around in roller blades, never wears shoes."

"Oh, **that** Charlie" the guard smiled. "I'll give him a call".

……

Charlie emerged from the elevator and cheerily greeted the bum "Hey Whitney! What's up?"

"Charlie, remember you told me to be on the lookout for a mousy-looking redhead. Well I got one at my place, and she ain't doin' too good. And she keeps asking for a Richard."

"Oh my god! That may be Caroline. Let's go!" Charlie cried out as he hurriedly skated away.

******

They arrived at the alley, which fortunately wasn't too far away. Charlie spotted her, at Whitney's place, under the "roof" in the alley. "Caroline?" he asked. The woman before him appeared to be Caroline, but she had changed almost beyond recognition. She was lying face down, head turned to the side. Her red hair was a tangled mess, she had a disheveled look, wearing loose, tattered clothes, and she reeked of booze, sweat, vomit, and urine. Always slender, she had wasted away, and by then was little more than skin and bones. She was nearly dead to the world, body totally relaxed, except for the death grip with which her right hand held a flask of booze. "Oh my god, it **is** Caroline!" exclaimed Charlie. "We didn't know if we'd ever find her."

Charlie tried to rouse Caroline. One of Caroline's eyelids fluttered open. "Charlie? … What … doin' here?" she managed to grunt out before her eyelids closed again. Charlie reminded her of her past life, a life that included Richard, her sweet Richard. "Richard, Richard…"she muttered softly, then again passed out.

Charlie tried again, but to no avail.

"I already tried that. No go" said Whitney.

"Well, we've got to move her. It's getting' cold, another storm's coming, and, no offense Whit-baby, but your place isn't the best for someone who's sick."

"No offense taken" responded Whitney.

"Hmm, what should we do? I gotta think" said Charlie, as he made a funny face, because his brain was not accustomed to the process. "I know. We'll take her to Richard's apartment. It's close to here. My place is too far, and I gotta get back to work."

"Caroline, let's get you outta here. But first, you gotta let go of that flask" Charlie told her as he tried to take the flask away.

That roused Caroline like nothing else had so far. "No! Mine!" she nearly screamed.

"Calm down Caroline, I'm not gonna take it away. I'm just gonna put it in your coat pocket." She relaxed her grip, and Charlie took the flask. He opened it and took a whiff "Whew! I bet that's got a kick!" Charlie said as he made a face, and waved his hand in front of his nose to dissipate the fumes. He put the lid back on, and put the flask in her coat pocket.

"C'mon, Whitney, my man. Let's get her up and over to Richard's place."

"Anywhere but here" replied Whitney.

Charlie and Whitney each grabbed Caroline by a shoulder, lifted her up, and began moving her out of the alley.


	2. Caroline in Richard's Mother's Womb Cha...

**Caroline in Richard's Mother's Womb**

Chapter 2

Julia heard a knock on the door. "A la Madonna! Who could that be? My Reechard wouldn't knock, he has a key. Whoever it is, I hope they won't be long. Reechard is about to come home, and between him working days, and me working evenings at Remo's, we have little enough time together as it is! It's almost as bad as when he was working for Caroline. Oh, quella donna arginato!" she thought as she moved toward the door.

When she opened the door, she was nonplussed. "Charlie?! What are you doing here? And who is that?" Julia asked as she indicated Whitney. "And why did you bring **that** here?" she gestured to Caroline, in a bitterly poisonous tone.

"Caroline needs a place to crash, she's sick. C'mon now, you can't have **that** much against her" pleaded Charlie.

"She's sick? Hah! É puzzare bevuto! She's drunk out her mind is more like it! I have good reason to hate that damned woman Charlie, as do you. Her drinking has ruined not only **her** life, but everyone's around her – mine, yours Charlie, Del's, and my poor husband's, who has to work all day at a job that he hates. And not only that…" Julia ranted, getting more and more excited as her tirade continued "… let me show you something." Julia moved towards a stack of canvases in a corner of the tiny apartment. Charlie and Whit took advantage of the fact that Julia moved away from the door, and brought Caroline in and lowered her to the floor, after which Whitney quickly left. Charlie quickly rolled over to Julia, trying to divert her attention from the fact that Caroline was now in the apartment.

"Do you see these paintings?" Julia inquired as she lifted them up one by one to show Charlie. Caroline was the subject of each and every one. "I know he still has feelings for her. That's why I forbade him to see that drunkard anymore after their… their cartoon work ended. But I know his feelings for her will fade with time, I just must have patience. Besides, Reechard is so upset by his painting job, the only way he can calm down is to paint when he comes home. That's why I allow him to paint **this**." The last word was spoken in an especially harsh and venomous tone.

"Richard has a job as a painter? I'd have thought he would love that!" a confused Charlie replied.

Just then, Richard entered, wearing his customary black overcoat – but also paint-splattered work clothes and a silly looking white painter's cap.

"Not a painting painter – a house painter" explained Julia.

"Oh" said Charlie, as he turned to see Richard, and was embarrassed for him.

"Charlie!" exclaimed a surprised Richard, quickly taking off his cap "What are you doing here?" Just then he looked down. "Caroline? Is that you, Caroline?" Richard bent down and carefully turned Caroline over, so she was lying face up. Because of her shallow breathing, Richard at first feared she was dead. Ironically, she was lying in the exact spot of the chalk outline that was in the apartment when Richard had first moved in. He bent over so his ear was close to her face, and gave a sigh of relief when he heard her breathing.

Julia's face became a mask of anger and hatred. Charlie turned from Richard, to Julia, and back to Richard again, and decided to beat a hasty retreat. "Okie dokie, I think I'll just get back to work now. Bye Richard, Julia. Great to see you again."

The tension was building. Both Richard and Julia knew a big, BIG fight was coming. Richard started "Julia, I know what you're going to say."

"Do you? You can swear in Italian now? Reechard!!! Look at your paintings! Every night, as soon as I leave for work at Remo's, in your mind you have an affair with this woman as you paint!"

"Julia…" Richard started to deny it.

"DON'T… even try. I try to be a good wife, I try to be patient, I try to be understanding. Look at all I give up for you. I could be in Italy with my trust fund, living la dolce vita. Instead, I work in a bar, and I live in this place. But this is too much. Do you not think that it hurts me to see that you paint this woman, night after night? But do you not see, the woman you paint does not exist? Look at her…" Julia said, pointing to Caroline, "…she is a drunk."

"Julia!" Richard objected, appalled that Julia had said that with Caroline in the room.

"Bah! She cannot hear a word we say, she is dead to the world." As she tenderly stroked his face, Julia tried to convince Richard. "Amore mio, listen to me. I know what is in your heart, I'm Italian. You felt something for this woman once, she felt something for you. You moved on, you got married, she did not. That is why she and Trevor broke up. He is a good man, you know." Richard nodded. "She felt alone, she got drunk, she got in an accident, while in the hospital, she got hooked on uh… what do you call the killers of pain?"

"Morphine" Richard interjected.

Julia continued "Yes, when she gets out, to get over the morphine, she starts to drink. And drink… and drink… and drink, and drink, and drink. You feel responsible. But Reechard, you are not responsible. She is a big girl, she is responsible for herself."

Downcast, Richard replied "But she feels sad and alone because of me."

"Carisimo, her problem now is not that she drinks because she is sad and alone. Her problem now is that she drinks to be drinking."

"She needs help" Richard weakly objected.

"Fine! She needs help! We call the hospital, the ambulance she comes, they take her away. But YOU do not go!" Julia commanded.

"She needs me" Richard objected, staring at Caroline.

"She does not need you. She does not love you. She loves the bottle, that is the love of her life. She will do anything for her love."

"She needs me" Richard repeated.

"She does not need you. She needs to break with the bottle. And you cannot do that for her. Until she does it for herself, she will take, and take, and take, and take, and take from anyone willing to give, until they are sucked dry. Amore mio, I can't – I won't watch that happen to you."

"Julia, what are you saying?" Richard asked.

"Unless you promise me that we wash our hands of this woman, then our marriage is over. You must choose Reechard. Let me call, have someone take her away. Then we go to Remo's. I tend bar, you eat, we talk. We forget about this woman."

Julia went to pick up the phone, but when her hand reached the handle, Richard put his hand atop hers, and firmly said "Don't."

"Reechard…!" Julia replied, startled. She became angry "Fine! I will go Remo's, call the airlines for a ticket to Italy, quit, pick up my last paycheck, and leave."

"What about your things?" Richard questioned.

"Burn all my clothes. I want no memories of my life in this sewer! Papa will release my trust fund, I will start my new life with a whole new wardrobe. You call yourself a man? I will live the life I deserve, something **you** could never give me" she said with disdain. She looked deeply into his eyes one last time, and despite her harsh words, it was more with sadness than with anger. Julia turned and walked out the door, and out of his life.


	3. Caroline in Richard's Mother's Womb Cha...

**Caroline in Richard's Mother's Womb**

Chapter 3

The shock of Julia's leaving had barely worn off when Richard's thoughts turned to the heap on his floor that was Caroline. He guiltily looked her over, and saw what a pitiable state she was in. But he soon brushed aside for more practical concerns. He bent over her and took her pulse. _"She's pretty weak. I'd better get her to a hospital"_ he thought. Richard started to pick Caroline up, but then thought better of it. _"If I try to hail a cab with her by my side, no one will ever stop. I'd better call first."_ Richard put her down, went to the table and started to dial.

……

Richard heard a knock at the door, and went to answer it. "Taxi for a Richard Karinsky" said the cabbie.

"Great. I'm Richard Karinsky. Just let me get my coat."

As Richard went to put on his coat, the cabbie spotted Caroline on the floor. "Whoa, whoa, whoa! I'm not taking her in my cab!"

"Give me a break!" exclaimed Richard. "I'm taking her to the hospital. There's an extra twenty in it for you."

"Oh alright" grumbled the cabbie. They hoisted her up by the shoulders and took her away.

******

In the back of the cab, Richard had tried to get Caroline to sit up, but she had fallen against him, her head buried in his chest. Caroline was barely conscious, but she attempted to orient herself, even before she opened her eyes. Smell is the strongest stimulant of memories, and the peculiar mixture of soap, deodorant, and after shave that was Richard brought a smile to Caroline's face. "Richard…" she mumbled, her speech slurred. "… is… that… you?"

"Shh, shh, shh. Yes, it's me Caroline. Just take it easy now, get some rest on the way to the hospital" replied Richard in a reassuring tone.

_"Richard, my sweet Richard… after all this time"_ she thought. But then her foggy brain became alarmed _"He can't see me like this! Nobody can!"_ Caroline thought, feeling guilty and ashamed. She weakly tried to push away from Richard, and urgently mumbled "Let… me… go."

He felt and heard her as she started to fuss, and Richard scolded her like a child "Caroline, Caroline! Stop it!" His tone softened "Let me take care of you."

_"Take care of me. Just like Annie did"_ Caroline smiled and stopped squirming. _"But no one else can know."_ It took real effort to grunt out the next sentence, but Caroline's panic gave her energy. "Tell… no… one… else… no… family… promise?"

"I promise not to tell your family, Caroline" Richard responded.

That was enough to calm Caroline for the rest of the ride.

******

Richard led Caroline into the ER waiting room, his left arm behind her waist, his right hand holding her right arm, which was slung behind his neck. He looked around and saw four rows of plastic chairs, half filled. He took Caroline to one of them, and tried to arrange her in a sitting position, but she kept falling over. After two attempts, he gave up, and left her bent over, head just in front of her knees. He went up to the front desk.

"Hello, I'd like to get my friend over there admitted" Richard said, pointing at Caroline.

"Her name, please" queried the crisply efficient nurse.

"Caroline Duffy."

"What seems to be the problem?"

"She's had a little… no, a lot too much to drink."

"I see. Does she have any other problems that you know of?" she asked.

"What do you mean?"

"Has she also been taking drugs, or anything else that would complicate matters?"

"No!... Uh, I don't think so, anyway. No" Richard answered.

"Alright, please take a seat." As Richard went to sit, the nurse picked up the phone and made a brief call. Moments later, two burly young orderlies, dressed in white, emerged from the back. The nurse spoke briefly, and pointed to Caroline. The orderlies came, picked up Caroline, and took her in back. The ER in back was separated from the desk by a large plate glass window, so Richard could see the orderlies place Caroline on a gurney, then leave her lying prone. A few minutes later, a young doctor with a clipboard approached Caroline. Richard stood to watch. He couldn't hear, but he could tell that the doctor was asking Caroline questions, and writing down the answers. Richard very much doubted if any of her responses lasted more than three words. Richard could see the doctor had stopped asking questions, scribbled down a few more notes, then walked out front to the desk. He spoke briefly to the nurse, who pointed to Richard. As he approached him, Richard thought _"My god, he's young. He must be just out of medical school!"_

"Hello. My name is Dr. Fletcher. Are you the man that brought Caroline Duffy in?

"Hello. Yes I am, doctor. I'm Richard Karinsky. How is she?" he anxiously inquired.

"She'll be okay. But it's a good thing you brought her in. Her blood alcohol level was very high, .29. That's close to the level of alcohol poisoning. And she's very dehydrated. Mr. Karinsky, we found her wallet in her coat. There was some money, a driver's license, but no medical insurance card. Do you know if she's covered?"

Richard became enraged. "You greedy quack! You won't treat her unless she's covered by insurance?!"

"Calm down, Mr. Karinsky, calm down. We're an ER, of course we'll treat her. We treat all emergency medical conditions, regardless of ability to pay. We'll keep her here until the alcohol's out of her system, and I've ordered an IV, to bring her fluid levels up. The problem is, this isn't a one time thing, she's addicted to alcohol. It's a chronic condition, which probably means she'll be back here before too long. She needs to be in a treatment program, the sooner the better. I have a list here of facilities. We can't handle chronic problems here. That's why I asked about the insurance."

Although he hadn't spoken to Caroline for six months, he had kept tabs on her through Annie, so he knew the answer. "I'm sorry for the outburst, doctor. Unfortunately, the answer is no. She lost her job, but kept paying for individual medical insurance for awhile, but just couldn't afford it anymore, so she let it lapse. Besides, she doesn't seem to respond to treatment. She's been in and out of rehab centers. And her HMO wouldn't help anyway. They only allowed three rehabilitation treatments, and she's already used all three up."

"That's unfortunate. But you know, I think there may be reason for hope, Mr. Karinsky. Many rehab centers focus only on the patient's addiction problem. Miss Duffy may also be severely depressed. The two problems can feed upon each other. The better centers can treat not only a patient's addition problem, but also provide psychiatric treatment and counseling. However, treatment can be quite time consuming and expensive. Can you or anyone she knows help her out?"

"Me? Hah! That's a laugh" Richard snorted. "Maybe her family, back in Wisconsin. But she doesn't want them to know. It may take me time to convince her to talk to them, much less accept their assistance."

"Well, she needs to be convinced, and quickly. And there's a wait to get into the better programs. Can somebody stay with her until then? We have to release her when she's physically ready, which will be tomorrow morning. If she starts drinking again…" the doctor's implication was clear.

"My wife just left me. Even with both of us working, we could barely afford to make ends meet. I can't afford to be away from my job." Desperate, Richard offered "You said she may be severely depressed. Couldn't you say she's a suicide danger, and needs to be kept here under observation?"

"No, Mr. Karinsky, it would be unethical for me to do that. And even if I wanted to, the hospital wouldn't let me. If we hold a person against their will without just cause, the hospital would be held liable for false imprisonment. Sorry. So think about what you want to do when we release her" Dr. Fletcher said as he left.

Richard sat, and began to ponder his alternatives. He didn't notice when a teenage African-American girl approached him, and touched his arm. "Hey Mister, it's not your fault."

"Excuse me?" a surprised Richard answered.

"I heard you and the doc talkin'. It's not your fault, Mister, you not bein' able to help. I should know, my brother's a crackhead. I keep beggin', and he keeps promisin' Mama and me that he'll quit. I think he even means it. But we always end up back here. Drugs or booze, they're both real hard to beat. And we can't do it for 'em, they have to do it themselves."

Richard replied "Thank you. I appreciate what you're trying to do. But right now, I need some time alone to think."

"Sure, Mister" she said as she left.

_"What should I do?"_ Richard wondered desperately.


	4. Caroline in Richard's Mother's Womb Cha...

**Caroline in Richard's Mother's Womb**

Chapter 4

Richard sat in the ER waiting room, anxiously going around and around with the facts of his dilemma in his head. _"I **have** to help Caroline. The only way to really help her is to get her into a treatment program. Treatment programs are expensive. Her family could probably pay for it. But Caroline won't talk to them. I could call them, but Caroline would never forgive me, I promised her I wouldn't. I could try to convince her, but I don't have any time, I have to work. If I leave her alone at my place, she'll go out drinking again. Oh!!"_ After going over this several times in his head, Richard recognized that he was becoming more and more anxious. _"Calm down, calm down"_ he told himself. _"There has to be a logical solution to this."_ Richard thought for awhile, and came to this conclusion. _"Caroline needs help. Sooner or later, someone has to call her family. Even though I promised Caroline, I have to do what's best for her. I can only hope she forgives me"_ he sighed. _"The doctor said there may be a wait to get into a good program, and it will probably take some time for Caroline's family to raise the money. Caroline needs help as quickly as possible. I could call and ask them to get the ball rolling, while I'm convincing Caroline to ask for their help. Caroline would get help quicker, and she never needs to know that I betrayed her."_

Still hesitant about going back on his word, Richard steeled himself as he walked to the pay phone on the wall. "Hello operator? I'd like to make a collect call to a Fred or Margaret Duffy in Peshtigo, Wisconsin… No, I don't have the number… My name is Richard Karinsky… Yes, I'll wait…" While waiting for the phone connection to be completed, Richard thought _"They must be worried sick… My god, I wonder if Annie even told them that Caroline's been lost out on the streets for two weeks?"_ The connection was made "Mrs. Duffy? This is Richard Karinsky, Caroline's friend. The reason I'm calling is that I'm here with Caroline in a hospital… No, no. Calm down, Mrs. Duffy. Everything will be okay, she's in no danger. But she needs help, Mrs. Duffy. She needs to be in an alcohol rehabilitation program. And one of the better ones, one that also provides psychiatric treatment and counseling. They can be quite expensive. Would you and Mr. Duffy be willing… Yes, I know you love your daughter, and you'd be willing to do anything for her… Mrs. Duffy, I wonder if you'd be willing to do me a favor? The better programs take a little time to get into. Could you enroll Caroline, while giving me some time to convince her to ask for your assistance? It'd be so much better if she thought this was her own idea. And please, please, **please** don't mention to her that I called… Thanks, Mrs. Duffy. I hope to have Caroline calling you soon. Goodbye."

_"Well, that's done"_ Richard thought, as he went back to his seat. _"I just hope that Caroline never finds out."_ As he sat, Richard continued thinking_ "Now I just have to figure out a way I can afford to be away from work while I convince Caroline to talk to her family. Hmm… Annie! That's it, Annie! She works nights, I work days, between the two of us, we can watch over Caroline until she's convinced. But she'll probably skin me alive for not calling her as soon as I saw Caroline. I'd better call now."_ Richard got up and went over to the pay phone on the wall, inserted some coins, and dialed Annie. As soon as he heard a click, he practically yelled "Annie! Listen…"

"Hi, this is Annie. I'm not here right now, please leave a message beep".

"Damn!" Richard muttered under his breath. "Listen Annie, this is Richard. I'm at Saint Vincent's hospital with Caroline. Call me back as soon as you can. I'm at…" he paused to check the number on the pay phone "…212-555-2716. Bye."

Richard worried about what would happen if Annie never called back, and what his alternatives were, but he could think of no good ones. Already depressed due to Caroline's condition, and his recently failed marriage, it only served to make him further depressed. _"This is doing me no good"_ he thought. _"I've got to get my mind off of things."_ Richard went to the hospital gift shop to buy a book, but it was already closed. He returned to the hospital waiting room, and took a seat. _"Great. I guess I'll have to watch this crap"_ he complained internally as his eyes turned towards the television in the corner, mounted high on the wall so that everybody could see. The typical sitcoms and police dramas were airing that night. Around ten o'clock, Richard began to nod off into a fitful rest, sitting up in his plastic chair. But he found it impossible to get any real sleep under these circumstances - sitting up, surrounded by strangers, new people coming and going every few minutes. But he tried, since had gotten into the habit of going to bed early for his job painting apartments. Like other construction jobs, it started early in the morning, at six o'clock.

……

Around two, Richard's semi-rest was shattered by the ringing of a phone. "What…?' He mumbled, starting to rouse himself. "The phone. THE PHONE! Annie!" Richard rushed to the pay phone. "Annie?" he answered.

"Yeah, it's me, Richie."

"Where have you been?!" Richard asked in a tone mixed with anger and panic. "It's **your** fault Caroline was out on the streets for the past two weeks. Couldn't wait to kick her out of your apartment, so you could start trolling the bars again for sailors?"

"Hold on, Vlad! For your information, I just got finished singing in a club. Anyway, you should be the last one to talk! For the past six months, while I was putting up with Caroline's boozing, her trips to the ER, her going in and out of rehab, you didn't even come by or call her! You're lucky I let you know how Caroline was doing when you called me!" Annie shot back.

"I know, I know, I'm sorry" he apologized. "It's just that Julia…"

Annie calmed down "That's okay, Richie, I know, I know… Anyway, thank god you found her, and she's off the streets."

"Annie, I know it's late, but are you coming over?"

"Oh, Richie, I'd love nothing more than to be there for Care, but I'm in Boston, working a club this week. I can't be choosy about what jobs I take nowadays. I just checked my machine from here after the show."

"Annie, I never thought I'd say this, but I wish you were here. I have a real problem" Richard said, and proceeded to explain his dilemma. "…So, can you think of anything to help out?"

"Hmm… Caroline may be hard to convince to talk to her parents, it may take awhile. I really wish I were there, so we could do this together. And nobody I know can afford to take off work while we try to change her mind. Hmm… but you know what? Del can. He's pretty busy, and he can't afford to take off from his job, but **he** can afford to pay **you** to take off from work to take care of Caroline."

"That's a great idea! Thanks Annie! I love you!"

"Eww!!" Annie answered in mock disgust.

"Sorry, Annie. I forgot who I was talking to."

"That's okay, Richie. You know, we kid each other a lot, but it was good hearing from you. You're a great friend to Care."

"Thanks, Annie. So are you. Goodbye, and thanks again" Richard finished.

"Bye. And good luck with Del" she concluded as she hung up.

Richard hung up, excited for any idea that would help Caroline, and was just about to call Del when he hesitated. _"I have to ask __Del__ for help. Oh that's just perfect"_ Richard thought, sarcastically. _"My whole life is falling apart in just one night. My wife leaves me, Caroline's in the hospital, I betray her confidence, and now I'm asking __Del__ for help."_

Richard reluctantly inserted some coins into the pay phone and called Del. "Hello Del. It's Richard Karinsky. I know we haven't spoken for awhile, and I know it's late, but it's important that I speak to you about something."

"Richard? Why are you calling?" Del impatiently answered.

"Del, I know it's a lot to ask of you from somebody whom you haven't seen or heard from in months, but I need some money. It's not for me, it's for Caroline. I need to be able to stay home and convince her to ask her parents to help her get treatment." Richard heard a female voice in the background from Del's apartment.

"Yeah, yeah. Anything for Care. I'll call you in the morning for details" Del responded, then quickly hung up.

_"Well, that was easy"_ thought Richard. _"I'd better try to get some sleep. Caroline will need me in the morning."_


	5. Caroline in Richard's Mother's Womb Cha...

**Caroline in Richard's Mother's Womb**

Chapter 5

Richard desperately wanted to sleep. He knew that Caroline would resist his efforts to convince her to ask her family for help, and he would need all of his energy. Unfortunately, an odd assortment of characters at the ER kept spoiling his rest.

……

Richard's attempt at rest was broken by the sound of sheet metal banging against the ER entry door. Richard groggily opened his eyes and saw a man stuck in an upside-down "J" shaped air vent being led in by a cop. His head and hands emerged from the top curved part of the vent, and the bottom of his legs from the bottom. The man was protesting "But officer, I swear, I wasn't trying to break into an apartment. I was trying to rescue a cat."

"Yeah, yeah" the policeman dubiously retorted. "Where's your ID?"

"I left it in my coat. I took it off to rescue the cat." The cop shook his head and took the man into the ER.

_"That guy is pathetic!"_ thought Richard. _"'Rescue a cat'? Couldn't he come up with anything better? No one would ever believe **that**…"_

_"Sleep!__ Sleep! Sleep!"_ Richard commanded himself. He looked up at the TV. _"Oh goodie, the 24-hour sports network is on. At least that should help me sleep."_

……

Richard was once again awakened, this time by his chair being jostled. A burly man wearing a black leather jacket with chains had just squeezed into the chair next to him. He got a cigarette paper, a pouch of tobacco, pinched a bit into the paper and rolled it. Richard, in a semi-conscious stupor, just stared. The man noticed, and offered "You want one, man?"

"No thanks" replied Richard. "I don't smoke. Besides" he said, pointing to a No Smoking sign "see the sign?"

The burly man got up, towering over Richard and glared "What sign?"

"Never mind. I'm sure they didn't mean for it to apply to you" Richard nervously answered. _"Oh great.__ Just when I was beginning to get comfortable"_ Richard lied to himself, as he moved from one plastic seat to an identical one on the other side of the room, to be away from the smoke.

……

Yet again, Richard was jostled awake. _"Oh!"_ he thought, annoyed _"I'm never going to get any sleep."_ He opened his eyelids, and saw a college aged youth had taken the next seat. He wore an overcoat, with bare legs sticking out underneath. _"Why isn't he wearing any pants?"_ Richard wondered.

Just then, another student at the front desk called over "Hey Duane! The nurse needs some info."

Duane gingerly got up. As he did, a pipe, one inch wide, stuck straight out from his overcoat, from just below the waist. Startled, Richard looked at the pipe, then to Duane's face, then back to the pipe. "It was a bet" he explained.

Richard nodded, pretending to understand. _"I'm never going to get any sleep"_ Richard thought, as he sighed._ "Anyway, it's __Five o'clock__. I'd better call my boss."_ He went to the pay phone and dialed. "Hello Joe? … I'm not feeling well, I don't think I'm coming in… Yeah, I know, there is no sick leave, if I don't work, I don't get paid. I can't help it, sorry… Tomorrow? Uh… I'm not sure, I'll have to see how I feel then… Thanks Joe, I will, I'll try to get better soon. Bye."

Richard peeked through the window, and saw that Caroline was still sleeping. _"I might as well take advantage of the fact that I'm not working, and try to get some more shut eye myself"_ he thought as he returned to his seat.

……

_"Where am I?"_ thought Caroline. She would have opened her eyes, but hesitated. Even with her eyes closed, she could tell she was in a brightly lit room. _"Was it all a dream?… Richard, my sweet Richard… the hospital…?"_ she wondered. She cracked open her eyes a little, and saw she was in a hospital. She tried to rub her eyes, and did so with her right hand, but felt something, then noticed her left arm was connected to a tube. She looked up and saw an IV bag connected to the other end of the tube. She began to sit up, but a sudden pounding in her head made her think the better of it.

"Well, well, well. Look who's up, ol' Sleepy Head" said a friendly nurse. "I'll get the doctor."

Caroline attempted to sit up again, but this time much more slowly, and this time she managed to sit up on the gurney. She looked out the plate glass window, and saw a familiar looking face in a peaceful rest state. "Richard!" she smiled, pleased. _"He wasn't a dream"_ she thought.

A middle aged doctor approached Caroline. "Hello, Miss Duffy. I'm Dr. Morgenthal." He picked up and examined Caroline's medical charts. "Dr. Fletcher examined you yesterday. According to this, we just need to check if the alcohol is out of your system, and that your fluid levels are up, and you can be on your way. The nurse here will need to take a blood sample."

While the nurse took the blood sample, Dr. Morgenthal went out to the front desk. He talked briefly to the nurse, who pointed to Richard. He approached Richard, and started to talk softly "Mr. Karinsky?… Mr. Karinsky?" Richard was roused, saw the doctor before him, and stood up. "Mr. Karinsky, I'm Dr. Morgenthal. I understand that you're with Miss Duffy."

"Yes I am, doctor. How is she?" Richard asked.

"She's okay Mr. Karinsky. I won't say "fine", because that's not true. But she'll be ready for release soon. Mr. Karinsky, it's best if Miss Duffy enters a treatment problem, but I understand that there's a problem."

"Well, it may take some convincing, but I have time to do that now. I don't think it will be a problem."

"That's good to hear. We just need to get back the results from the tests, and if they're positive, she'll be ready for release" stated Dr. Morgenthal, who then turned around to return to the back.

"Thank you, doctor." Richard looked through the window to check on Caroline, only to see her smiling and waving maniacally at him. He returned the wave, albeit in a much more subdued manner, and gave her a crooked smile.

……

When Caroline emerged from the ER, she was a subdued version of the Caroline he remembered from many months back, the effects of the previous day's bender still affecting her. Still, his heart skipped a beat to see her up and about and smiling.

"So, where are we going, Richard?"

"I'm taking you to my place. You still need to rest" answered Richard.

"Won't Julia mind?"

"Julia… uh, no, she's visiting friends out of town" he replied_. "She really was out of it yesterday"_ he thought. He stepped to the curb "Taxi!"


	6. Caroline in Richard's Mother's Womb Cha...

**Caroline in Richard's Mother's Womb**

Chapter 6

Richard and Caroline arrived at his apartment. Despite the fact that they had both just woken up after a night's sleep, both were tired. Richard was tired due to his fitful sleep in the waiting room, and Caroline still suffered the after effects of her drinking. Though still tired and depressed, Caroline was happier than she had been in weeks. Though she knew he still loved Julia, the mere fact that she was in his presence raised her spirits.

"Caroline, we both need to shower, and some rest. You go first. No offense, but you need it more. Go pick out some of Julia's clothes to borrow, and I'll get you some towels."

Caroline went to the closet and picked out a simple shirt and pants. "Are you sure Julia won't mind?"

"She'll never know" Richard answered, truthfully.

……

After showering, Caroline looked at herself in the mirror. _"I'm a real mess"_ she thought, not untruthfully. She had cleaned herself up, so the grime and stink were gone. Still, she hadn't been taking care of herself, she had lost weight from her already slender frame, and had become slightly haggard. She gathered her scattered hair, tied it in the back, looked in the mirror again, and sighed. _"How have I come to this?"_ she wondered.

……

When Caroline got out, she saw Richard and smiled. She saw that he had pulled the Murphy bed down, and that he was ready to take a shower.

Richard looked at Caroline as she emerged from the bathroom, and held his breath. Now that she was clean, despite the fact that she wore no makeup, her hair was pulled back and unstyled, and she wore plain clothes, he thought she was the most beautiful woman he'd ever seen. He forced himself to be nonchalant. "Why don't you go to bed, and get some rest. I'm going to take a shower, then I'll do the same."

"Where will you sleep, Richard?"

"On the floor."

"Richard! I can't put you out of your own bed!"

"Caroline, you're my guest. I won't hear of anything else. Now go!"

Caroline was too tired to argue. "Okay" she replied. _"He always takes care of me"_ Caroline thought, smiling inwardly.

……

After emerging from his shower, Richard tried to lie on the floor and rest. But despite the fact that he got little peaceful sleep the previous night, he found himself unable to fall asleep during the middle of the morning. _"Maybe I should call __Del.__ He might not even remember what he agreed to last night"_ thought Richard. _"But I have to make sure that Caroline is sleeping."_ He listened, and heard deep rhythmic breaths, punctuated occasionally by a slight snore. Richard got up and watched her. Despite all her recent troubles, now she seemed totally at peace, lying on her side. _"Look at her. Peaceful, calm. I wish I could always keep her safe, my little angel."_

Richard went to the table and dialed Del's number, and spoke as softly as possible, so as not to disturb Caroline. "Del. Hi, this is Richard Karinsky."

"Richard, you don't have to tell me your last name. I know who you are."

"Sure Del. It's just that it's been several months since we've spoken."

"So, what's up, Richard?"

"Well Del, first I want to apologize for calling you so late last night, but it was an emergency. I need some money, but it's not for me, it's to help out Caroline."

"Yeah, I know. Charlie told me a friend of his found her in his alley yesterday, and she was in pretty bad shape" Del replied. "Is she okay?"

"Physically, she's not great, but she's okay – for the moment. The problem is, she's depressed and she's an alcoholic. She needs treatment, and the only ones that can afford to pay for it are her family, but she doesn't even want to talk to them. I think I can convince her, but I need time. Anyway, I know you're busy, and I can't afford to be away from work. I hate to ask, but maybe you could afford to pay me while I'm not working. I need your help." Richard tried to keep up his pride, and not sound like a beggar, but that's what he was.

Despite the seriousness of the situation, Del couldn't resist needling Richard. "Excuse me. I couldn't hear that. Could you repeat that, please?"

"I need your help, Del" Richard forced himself to say.

"Could you wait a minute? My tape recorder isn't ready."

"Del!!" Richard forgot himself and nearly yelled. _"God, I hope I didn't wake Caroline"_ he worried. Richard turned around and saw her eyes were still closed.

"Alright, alright. Just havin' a little fun. So, Charlie tells me you paint houses now. What's the union rate nowadays, one hundred, two hundred bucks a day?" Del asked.

Richard reluctantly replied, in an even softer tone than before "Well, actually… I don't exactly get paid union wages…" Richard could have used the extra money. But he couldn't lie, under these circumstances. It would have been like stealing.

"Richard?! You?! A **scab**?!" a surprised Del asked, laughing.

"Please Del. My level of self-loathing is already high enough. I needed money immediately, and didn't have time for the apprentice program. And the "off the record" work is steadier, if lower paying, than union jobs" Richard guiltily explained.

"That's okay Richard. We all do what we have to. I'll tell you what. When you're done, you just tell me how many days you took off helping Caroline, and I'll write you a check for one hundred dollars a day."

"Thanks Del. I really appreciate this."

"Don't mention it. Tell me something Richard. How is Julia with all of this? I thought she was pretty jealous of Caroline. I thought that's why you stopped seeing her."

"Del, if you promise to keep this a secret, Julia and I have just split up."

"Tough break, Richard. I know how hard it can be, I've gone through it a couple times myself. You have my sympathy."

"Thanks Del."

"Although to tell you the truth, I never really thought she was right for you. Anyway, please let me know if there's anything else I can do to help Caroline."

"I will Del. Goodbye" answered Richard. _"That __Del__'s__ actually a pretty good guy"_ a surprised Richard thought, as he hung up the phone.

Unbeknownst to Richard, because his back was turned, Caroline's eyes were still closed, but she had a broad smile on her face.


	7. Caroline in Richard's Mother's Womb Cha...

**Caroline in Richard's Mother's Womb**

Chapter 7

"…Julia and I have just split up" Richard confided on the phone.

Asleep in his bed, Caroline had awakened when Richard shouted "Del!", and hadn't heard much else of the conversation. The truth was, once she had heard that Richard and Julia were separated, she didn't listen to anything else.

_"Richard and Julia are separated?!! Now my sweet Richard and I can be together, forever"_ mused Caroline, happier than she had been for a long, long time. It was the giddy happiness of a child, unburdened with the facts of reality. _"Richard was speaking pretty low. He mustn't want me to know. I'll pretend I'm still asleep"_ she thought. _"It must be a blow to his ego, a failed marriage, poor baby. But I can make things all better"_ she smiled. _"All I need is some time. I'll get Richard to let me stay with him. That will be easy, he always seems to want to take care of me. Besides, when I really, really want something, I can always get him to do it for me. I'll make him forget all about Julia."_

Caroline made some noises, and stretched, pretending to just be waking up. "Hey Richard."

"Hello Caroline. How are you feeling?" he asked.

"Okay… considering. Richard, how did I get here? I mean, I know we came from the hospital, but what happened before that?"

"Someone Charlie knows found you. They brought you here. I took you to the hospital" Richard replied.

"I vaguely remember that. I was in an alley… under your painting… Anyway, it's a good thing Julia's out of town. She probably wouldn't have let you help me. I know you care, and that she's the reason you haven't visited or called for six months" said Caroline.

"Caroline, I feel so bad about that. You're my friend, I should be there when you need me. You've lost your career, you have drinking problems… I should support you no matter how jealous Julia was" Richard replied guiltily.

"'Was?' You mean Julia isn't jealous anymore?" Caroline inquired, toying with Richard.

"Uh… no, of course she is" he replied.

"Then won't she be mad that you're helping me? How long will she be out of town, Richard?"

"Julia will be gone a few days, maybe a week. She went to… Boston. She has friends from Italy there" lied Richard.

_"I should start trying to convince Caroline to ask her family for help"_ thought Richard. "Caroline, you can stay here for a few days, but you have to think about what you want to do after that, for over the long term."

"Can't I stay here?" asked Caroline. She thought _"Can't I stay here forever, my love? Why are you playing this game? I know that Julia is gone."_

"No… uh, Julia will be back. And besides, you need help, more help than I can give you. You know you have a drinking problem, don't you Caroline?" Richard asked.

After several seconds, Caroline reluctantly admitted "Yes".

"You need professional help, in a rehabilitation center. I can't afford to give you that. You should ask your family for help. Let them take you back to Wisconsin, and find some help for you" Richard said, knowing that Caroline would resist. But he **had** to break that resistance.

"No!" Caroline shouted. "I don't want them to know! Please Richard, I don't want them to see me like this. Please promise me that you won't tell them!" she begged.

"I won't, Caroline." Richard's stomach twisted into a hard knot as he lied right to Caroline's face. "But I think **you** should. It's the only way you're ever going to get better."

_"Why are you trying to send me away, my love?"_ thought Caroline. "No Richard! Please let me stay here! I can get outpatient treatment. I know I'll get better sooner with you supporting me. Please!" she pleaded. "And besides, I don't know how my family will react once they see me. I don't even know if they would want me back there."

"Caroline, they love you, they're your family. And besides, it's your home. Home is where, when you go there, they have to let you in."

"Oh Richard, can't I stay here? Can't **this** be my home?" Caroline asked. There were several moments of awkward silence before Caroline's mood suddenly lightened. "I just thought of something."

"What's that, Caroline?"

"You know that painting of yours that was stolen, "My Mother's Womb"?

"Yeah?"

"When I woke up yesterday, I was under it. Since I was in your mother's womb, I guess we **are** family then… 'cause that makes me your sister!" Caroline started laughing hysterically, at least as much as a person in her tired state could. At that moment, they heard a knock at the door.

_"Who could that be?"_ Richard wondered as he went to answer the door. When he opened it, he was in a complete state of shock. There stood Fred, Margaret, and Chris Duffy, Caroline's parents and brother.

"Who is it?" asked Caroline.

"Uh… nobody. A salesman… sorry, we don't want any" Richard said as he tried to close the door. He silently mouthed to them "Please give me some time."

Fred Duffy forced his way in. "Hey Puddin'!"

"Mom? Dad? Chris? What are you doing here?" Caroline turned to Richard "What are they doing here? You – you called my family. After telling me you wouldn't! You lied to me!"

"Caroline, I – I had to. I had to do what I thought was best for you."

Richard turned to Caroline's family. "What are you doing here? I thought we agreed.

Fred turned to Richard and said "Sorry, Richard, but we talked it over, and decided we just couldn't leave something as important a thing as our baby's entire future dependent upon your powers of persuasion. Chris here is a doctor, he knows something about addictive behavior. He thought it best if we all just hopped on the first plane over here for what he calls an "intervention", to get Caroline to agree to treat

"Please Richard, I don't want to go. Please let me stay here."

This was Richard's dream, Caroline wanting to be with him. But it was for all the wrong reasons. "You can't Caroline. As much as I'd like to, I can't take care of you. You need professional help. You can't stay here."

"Please Richard? Pretty please? I promise to be good. I promise I won't drink anymore. I promise! … And just think Richard, if I stayed here, we could have a lotta fun" Caroline said, as she suggestively waggled her hips at him. But the effect was more one of desperation than sexiness. "Please don't make me go!"

Richard resisted her offer. "I'm sorry Caroline. I believe you mean it, that you want to keep your promise. But you can't, not without help. Alcohol addition is a very tough thing to beat. But I want to support you, any way I can. I'll come to Wisconsin for awhile, visit every day. I can paint apartments in Wisconsin as well as I can in New York."

All her hopes and dreams shattered, Caroline's anger flared. "Don't bother! If that's the way you want it, I'll leave! Who would want to stay in this sewer anyway? As for doing it with you, hah! I'm glad I'm leaving! I hate you, I hate you! You're a liar and a traitor! I don't know why I ever thought I had any feelings for you! Dad, Mom, Chris, please take me away."

After the door closed, Richard just stood there. Throughout his life, Richard had experienced hard times and disappointment. His mother was always flighty. She would either make grandiose promises to him and his sister, which she never kept, or would forget about her kids entirely. His father was never there, always on the road, caring more about the audience and getting laughs than his own family. Every attempt he ever made at romance ended in disaster, including his marriage to Julia, which had just effectively, if not yet legally, ended. He had always responded to his hardships with a tough exterior, not letting others see his hurt. He covered his feelings with cynicism. But today, for the first time he could remember, he started to cry.


	8. Caroline in Richard's Mother's Womb Cha...

**Caroline in Richard's Mother's Womb**

Chapter 8

Oshkosh is a town of about 60,000 nestled between the western shore of Lake Winnebago and Lake Butte des Morts, on the banks of the Fox River. Once a lumber mill town, it's now known for it's manufacturing firms, shopping centers, recreational activities, and educational system. Oshkosh is home to OshKosh B'Gosh, maker of children's wear, the University of Wisconsin-Oshkosh Titans, … and the Givens Treatment Center, the best rehabilitation center for alcohol and drug dependency in the state of Wisconsin.

Fred and Margaret Duffy chose Givens, even though it meant quite a dip into their savings at 120 dollars a day, and a two hour drive down US 41 from Peshtigo, because their son Chris, a doctor, said it gave Caroline the best chance for a real recovery.

Caroline, Fred, and Margaret Duffy sat in the office of Dr. Smith, the administrator of Givens.

"You understand, Miss Duffy, that you are voluntarily committing yourself to this facility. And although you can choose to leave at any time, as long as you stay, you agree to abide by the rules of this facility. Any breaking of the rules can result in your release from the facility. Once you sign the papers, the money being paid for the first month of treatment is non-refundable. You can stay as long as you choose to, as long as you follow the rules, with the money for each month being paid in advance." Dr. Smith spoke in a crisp, efficient tone. "We offer a structured environment, group therapy, individual counseling, and prescription drug treatment if required. Additionally, the patients have organized groups of Alcoholics Anonymous and Narcotics Anonymous that anyone can attend. So, our success rate is high, but it depends on the patient's as much as our efforts. And continued success after the patient is released depends on their applying the lessons learned here."

Caroline sat in before Dr. Smith sullenly. She didn't really want to be there, but a lifetime of worrying about the feelings of others led her to finally yield to the wishes of her family. _"I don't want to be here, but Mom, Dad, and Chris think I should be. I'll stay for a month, pretend to be better, then leave"_ thought Caroline. "What are the rules?" she asked.

Dr. Smith recited the rules, as he had a thousand times before. "No alcohol or drugs of any kind, except as prescribed by staff, are allowed on the premises. You are to perform your share of household tasks. You will attend all scheduled group meetings and individual therapy sessions. Although you must attend, we won't force you to participate, but you won't derive any benefits unless you do. And no 'relationships' between patients and any staff or other patients, it complicates matters too much." Caroline snickered at the last remark by Dr. Smith. "I know, you find it hard to believe that something like that could develop here. But you'd be surprised how sharing an intense emotional experience, which often occurs during therapy, can affect people."

"Okay" Caroline sighed, "Where do I sign?" Dr. Smith handed her the papers, which she signed.

Caroline's parents got up to leave. "We'll come to visit tomorrow, and as often as we can, honey, even though it is a two hour drive down here to Oshkosh" said her mother.

Dr. Smith interjected "I'm sorry, Mrs. Duffy, no contact is allowed between a patient and the outside world for the first week. We find it speeds the adjustment the patient has to make to their new life here."

_"Oh man"_ Caroline thought. _"This may be harder to skate through than I thought."_

******

One week later…

Fred and Margaret came to Givens to visit, and found a sullen Caroline.

"Hey, Puddin'!" greeted Caroline's father.

"Hello, dear" said her mother.

"Hi Mom and Dad" Caroline grumpily replied, as they all sat down by a table.

Margaret chimed in "Chris said to tell you he's sorry he couldn't make it".

"What's the matter? Couldn't reserve a helicopter?" Caroline responded, half-jokingly. When her mother shot her a warning glance, Caroline quickly added "Oh, Mom. You know I'm just kidding. I know how busy Chris is."

"How are things going, honey?" asked Mrs. Duffy.

"Oh Mom, I really don't want to be here. I mean, the food, the chores, and the schedule are okay, but I really don't want to talk about my personal life in front a bunch of strangers. I have nothing in common with them" an anxious Caroline replied.

"Now Puddin'" spoke Fred. "People from all different backgrounds may be here, but you share something very important with them. All of you have lost control of your lives to alcohol or drugs. That's the biggest thing in your life right now, and the people here are going through the same thing as you. If you listen and share, you may learn something important."

"Mom, Dad, do you mind if we don't talk about this now? That's all that's talked about all the time here. You came all the way down here to visit, let's talk about something more cheerful. Tell me, how are things in Peshtigo?" Caroline queried.

"Okay dear" answered Margaret. "Do you remember the Sweeney brothers?" Caroline nodded. "Well, let me tell you about their latest escapade…"

******

One week later…

Caroline was trudging over to her daily counseling session with the staff psychiatrist. The man she had been seeing, Dr. Tuttle, wouldn't be there. He would be away for a few weeks on a long previously planned vacation. "I hope the new doctor is as good as Dr. Tuttle" Caroline sighed. "I thought I was getting somewhere with him."

She nervously entered the office, and was reassured when she saw a motherly woman behind the desk. When Caroline entered, the woman smiled at her. "Hello, I'm Dr. Hope."

Caroline chuckled "That's funny, your name. I once met a woman who worked at a bank whose name was Mrs. Banks. Are you here to give people hope?"

The doctor replied "Well, we can only 'hope' so… Miss Duffy… may I call you Caroline?" Caroline nodded. "Caroline, I've been looking over Dr. Tuttle's notes. He believes that you're suffering from depression, and that the interaction between that and your addiction is hindering your progress. He recommended that you be started on an antidepressant drug regimen, and I concur. I would like to start you on Zoloft, an SSRI, which increases the brain's level of serotonin. We might try a trycyclic later, but I want to start out with something with less risk of side effects. And just before you leave this facility, we might want to start you on a regimen of Antabuse, an alcohol aversion drug, which causes quite an unpleasant reaction should even a small quantity of alcohol be ingested."

"Huh?" a confused Caroline responded.

The doctor smiled "It will help you feel less down."

Caroline replied "Whatever you think is best, doctor."

"Please, call me Constance."

"Alright, Constance."

"Now Caroline, according to Dr. Tuttle's notes, you were discussing your relationship with a man named Richard…"

******

Two weeks later…

Caroline's parents were in the center's administrator's office.

Fred Duffy spoke "Dr. Smith, we're here today to visit our daughter, Caroline Duffy. They told us at the front desk that you wanted to see us. It's only a couple of days until her first month here is up. Is there a problem, or did you want to tell us that she's cured, and we can take her home?"

Dr. Smith answered "Unfortunately, addicts are never really cured. But they can learn behaviors and strategies to deal with their addiction day to day. I will say that the staff tells me that your daughter has demonstrated a remarkable change in behavior and attitude in the short time she has been here. I think the antidepressant drug therapy, the group meetings, and the individual counseling have really helped. But I do recommend that she stay here longer. She's in a fragile emotional state, I believe she can make more progress here. But the decision is up to you and your daughter. You will have to decide if you can afford to spend the money to keep her here, and since she committed herself voluntarily, she will have to decide that she wants to stay here. If the decision you make is for her to leave, I would recommend that she check into a halfway house. They have less structure than our facility, but it's better than having to deal with everything on your own all at once, when you're used to having decisions being made for you, as in here. Plus, they have experience in dealing with recovering alcoholics and addicts. I want to warn you, once outside, Caroline will be subject to pressures and temptations again. And unfortunately, there have been cases where patients have faked being better, just so they can justify to others, and maybe themselves, that they should leave. But the real motivation, consciously or subconsciously, may be the desire to drink again. Despite our best efforts, we can't really know what's going on in a patient's brain."

Just then, Caroline entered the office, with a smile to light up the room that hadn't been seen in many months. "Mom, Dad, I'm so happy to see you!" she exclaimed, and gave them both a big hug. "I can't wait to go home!"

"I'm happy to see you too, dear" responded Margaret.

"Hey, Puddin'! Let's find someplace to talk" said Fred. "We have a few things to discuss."


	9. Caroline in Richard's Mother's Womb Cha...

**Caroline in Richard's Mother's Womb**

Chapter 9

Caroline, Margaret, and Fred Duffy went out and sat at a table, outside but still on the grounds of the Givens Center. It was a beautiful late spring day. Caroline had undergone an amazing transformation in the month she had been in the facility. Gone was the haggard look she had when she had first entered. And although still slender, she had gained back most of the weight she had lost since she had started drinking heavily. Caroline no longer had that gaunt wraithlike appearance. Her mood also had brightened considerably. Not quite back to the always cheerful Caroline of before, she no longer walked around looking as if she were carrying a huge weight on her shoulders.

Caroline's mother started "Dear, I know we only planned for you to stay here for a month, and I know how much you're looking forward to going home with us, but Dr. Smith tells us the staff believes that you're not ready yet… But the decision's up to us. You know, honey, although it's expensive, we'll do whatever's best for you. We love you."

"That's right, Puddin'" her father added. "We can put off getting that new Buick for a couple of years. Chris also agreed to help if we need it."

Caroline was silent for the next couple of minutes.

"Please say something, dear" Margaret said.

Finally, Caroline spoke. "You know, if you would have asked me this a month ago, I would have been fighting you tooth and nail. I just didn't feel there was any hope… for anything… and the bottle was the only thing that gave me any comfort… Now I'm beginning to see that even if I can't reach my dreams, life is still worth living. I want my old life back, as much as I can get of it. I'm determined to try. But I know I'll have to learn to deal with my drinking problem, or I'll fail. So maybe it is better that I not go back to the real world for awhile, so that I can stay there once I do. And I promise you, if it takes the rest of my life, I'll pay you back."

"Don't you worry about that, Puddin'. We just want you to get better" Fred replied.

"Oh honey, we're so proud of you" Caroline's mother said, as the three of them began to hug.

******

One month later…

Alcoholics Anonymous is not just a group of people with a similar problem getting together to talk and offer each other support. It is also a specific twelve step program, dealing with the addict's outlook on life and strategies for dealing with his or her problems. Some never complete all aspects of all twelve steps, but the process of striving towards it aids recovery and the maintenance of sobriety. To gain control of your life, you have to take responsibility for it. One of the steps is to reach out to those around you that you have harmed because of your addiction, and apologize. Caroline had reached the point where she felt she was ready to attempt that step.

……

_"I'll start with Charlie"_ thought Caroline as she dialed. "Hey Charlie. This is Caroline."

"Caroline…?"

"Caroline Duffy. Remember, you used to pick up comic strips and cards from me for Del?"

"Oh yeah. Hey Caroline! I'm sorry I got confused, it's just that I liked your name, so I named one of my pet cockroaches Caroline."

_"Eww!"_ thought Caroline. "That's nice, Charlie. Uh… Charlie, how could a cockroach…? Oh, never mind… Uh, Charlie, I wanted to thank you for finding me when I was on the streets. I was in pretty bad shape, and it could have been a lot worse if you hadn't found me."

"No problemo, Caroline." Then Charlie chuckled "You were pretty stinkeroonie."

"Charlie, I also want to apologize. My drinking cost you your life savings and your job."

"That's okay. I don't miss the money, it's like I never had it. I didn't earn it, one day it appeared, the next day I put it into Eagle Greetings. As for the job, I have an even better one at Cassidy Greetings. I'm the lead delivery and office mail guy!"

"Congratulations, Char-…"

"Caroline, it's been great, gotta go. There's a "Beverly Hillbillies" marathon on, and the commercials just ended. Bye."

……

Before calling Del, Caroline recalled her hazy memories of the day, over eight months ago, that Eagle Greeting Cards went bankrupt…

- - -

Caroline was curled up on the living room couch, bottle in hand. She had been drinking steadily for over a day. Fortunately, when the phone rang, it was nearby on the chest, so it was easy for Caroline to pick up. "Hel-…lo?" she answered, he speech slurred.

"Caroline, this is Del. I wanted to make sure that you're there. I have something important I want to talk to you about. I'll be right over."

"O-…kay" Caroline replied. Her brain was also working slowly, but she knew she was scared. _"Probably… bad… news.__ Don't… want… bad… news. I'll… hide."_ To Caroline, this made perfect sense.

Del arrived a little while later. He called out her name, but received no reply. He moved through the living room, kitchen, and bathroom, without finding her. When he searched upstairs and didn't find her, he started to get worried. He checked in the tub of the upstairs bathroom, under the bed, and finally found her in the closet under the stairs, curled up in a fetal position, clutching her bottle.

Del pulled Caroline up, so she was standing. "C'mon, Caroline. Let's get you over to the couch. I have something important to tell you." He tried to guide her to the couch, but she struggled out of his arms, and staggered there by herself. He sat on the living room chest, facing her.

"I'm sorry, Care. You've missed too many deadlines. Too many papers have dropped your strip. Too many shops have dropped our cards. We can't make it anymore. Eagle Greetings is going under" a downcast Del told Caroline. But Caroline's head was slumped over, her eyes nearly closed. He lifted her head. "Do you understand what I'm saying Caroline. We're broke. You have no more money coming in." Caroline weakly nodded her head.

Del shook his head. "Let's get you upstairs into bed. Why don't you put the bottle down?"

"No!" Caroline nearly yelled, and clutched the bottle to her bosom.

"Okay, okay" said Del. As he got up and left, he said "Sorry things have to end this way. I'll see you later."

Despite her state, Caroline had heard and understood what Del had said. She was scared. _"I… need… drink"_ was her last thought.

- - -

"Hello Del. This is Caroline."

"Care! It's great to hear from you!" Del exclaimed.

"Del, I'm surprised you're happy to hear from me, after all I've done to you."

"Caroline, you're my friend… So, how are you doing?"

"I'm doing better, feeling better. I'm learning how to deal with things better… Del, I want to say I'm sorry about Eagle Greetings. I mean, I know that both you and Charlie lost money, but you're the one that put your heart and soul into it, and I let you down" she apologized.

"Caroline…" Del tried to interrupt.

"No, really Del! The one time you strike out on your own, and try to prove yourself, and I ruin it for you."

"Caroline – it's okay. Things worked out. I mean, things were rough at first. I had to beg my dad and sister for a job back at Cassidy. They put me through the wringer, to teach me a lesson. They hired back Charlie two weeks before they hired me. Even worse, they had **me** working under **Charlie** for a couple of weeks!" Del exclaimed.

Caroline started laughing "I'm sorry for laughing Del. I just got this image of you in rollerblades, making deliveries."

Del chuckled "Yeah, looking back, it's sorta funny now. Anyway, like I said, things worked out. After a couple of weeks, they kicked me upstairs. I'm not President anymore, but I'm VP under Vanessa. I make less money than before, but they're actually listening to some of my ideas now."

"I'm glad you're doing well, Del."

"It's good to hear from you, Care. Take care of yourself, huh?

"I will, Del. Thanks. Bye."

……

Caroline braced herself before calling Annie. She was more nervous about calling Annie than Charlie and Del, despite the fact that she had already spoken to Annie several times since entering Givens. But those were always fairly superficial conversations. Annie would ask how she was doing, Caroline would answer "fine", then they would chit-chat about trivial things, and gossip. Although Caroline hadn't caused the financial damage to Annie that she had to Charlie and Del, she had wounded her more deeply emotionally. Caroline remembered back nearly three months ago, to the last time she had seen Annie…

- - -

Caroline and Salty were at Annie's. They had been since Caroline had run out of money, and had to give up her apartment. Annie had taken her in, but had told her "Sure hun, you can stay here. But I'm warning you, I'd better not catch you drinkin', or I'll kick your ass out!" So she hadn't… caught her. In a major lifestyle change for her, Annie had removed all the liquor from her apartment. But it's amazing how creative a booze addled brain can get when it comes to getting and hiding liquor. Caroline had restrained herself, becoming only slightly tipsy, instead of falling down drunk, so that Annie wouldn't notice (or so she thought). Caroline switched to drinking vodka, which left no odor. To support her habit, Caroline had sunken to stealing from Annie – only small amounts, so that Annie, always somewhat scatterbrained, wouldn't notice. Annie had her suspicions though, and she laid a trap for Caroline, a month after moving in. She carefully counted the money in her "spare change" tray, and one day confirmed that some money was missing…

"Caroline, some money is missing from the tray. Did you take it?" Annie asked.

Trying to sound indignant, Caroline replied "Are you accusing me of being a thief?" After Annie didn't back down, and just stared at her, Caroline 'admitted' "You know what? I forgot, I think I did take some money, to buy something for around here."

"Yeah, like what?" Annie replied, dubiously.

"Like, uh… I don't remember now."

"Like, maybe that flask you've got hidden in the toilet tank? Or the liquor you bought to hide in the bottle of mouthwash?"

"Annie, please let me explain…"

Annie's tone changed from anger to sadness as she explained "I'm sorry Caroline. I gave you a fair warning. And it's not so much that you disappointed me. It's that you need someone to watch over you, and I can't be your mother. Maybe you should think about goin' back to Peshtigo, and staying with your folks."

"No, Annie, no! They can't know! Please don't tell them!" Caroline pleaded.

"Alright, alright. But you can't stay here. Why don't you go to a halfway house? They control the drugs and booze pretty tightly in those places. I could cover you for a few days, maybe some of your friends could chip in…"

"Annie, please!? I don't want to live in a strange place with strangers! Please let me stay. I promise I'll be good!"

"Sorry, Care, but I can't" Annie said firmly, her heart nearly breaking.

Caroline, frustrated and lubricated by liquor, displayed a vicious side never before seen. "Fine! Who would want to stay in this place?! It's a dump!!"

"Caroline!" Annie was astonished by her close friend's change.

Then Caroline wounded Annie as only a best friend could, taking the secrets, confidences, and deepest fears she had shared, and turning them against her. "You know what? You **are** gonna burn in hell for being such a slut!"

Annie was hurt, and warned her friend "Caroline, you'd better be careful. You don't wanna say something you'll regret later."

"You know what else? Being easy **is** the only way for you to attract men, your breasts **are** too small!"

"Get out!" Annie yelled, as she pushed Caroline outside, slammed the door, and started crying.

"Man, I need a drink" said Caroline, as she walked through the hallway and down the stairs.

- - -

"Hey Annie, it's Caroline" she greeted.

"Caroline? Why are you calling?" Annie answered.

"Can't a girl call her best friend just to talk, and not have to have a reason?" Caroline asked.

"Sure you can, hun. But it's just that I always call you. Don't they limit your calls out, since there's so many people wanting to use the communal phone?"

"Yeah, they do, Annie. But they make allowances for special purposes.

"So, somethin' special's going on? Spill" demanded Annie.

"Oh Annie, it's nothing, it's just that I wanted to say that I'm really, really, really, really, really, **really** sorry for lying to you, for stealing from you, for saying all those nasty things to hurt you. Can you ever forgive me?"

"Sure sweetie… If you can't lie, steal from, and hurt your best friend, who can you lie, steal from, and hurt?" Annie joked.

"Oh Annie, I don't deserve you as a friend. You took me on those late night trips to the ER, you watched me go in and out of rehab, you let me stay at your place for a month, you've been taking care of Salty for three months, and all I ever did was hurt you. I really appreciate all you've done for me. By the way, how is my baby? She must think you're her mama now, you've been feeding her and changing her litter for so long."

"She's doing fine, Caroline. I'm sure she misses you, just like I do."

"Thanks, Annie."

"Hey hun, not that I don't appreciate everything you've said, but why now? Why are you apologizing now?" asked Annie.

"I should have done this anyway, Annie, but actually, this is part of the recovery process. Before you can getter better and move into the future, you have to face your past. I've already called Charlie and Del."

Annie thought about it and said "It's a good thing you're doing, hun. You watch, you'll be better and out of there in no time."

"Thanks Annie. Bye."

"Bye, sweetie."

……

_"Just one person left"_ thought Caroline. But she couldn't bring herself to do it, calling Richard. The depth of her feelings for, and the way she had hurt him, prevented her from calling. And unlike the previous incidents she had just recalled, Caroline was perfectly sober the last time she had seen Richard. The memory of their parting was etched in her brain. Annie sometimes brought up Richard, but Caroline always changed the subject. She just wasn't ready. And Richard had never called the Givens Center. _"God, he must still hate me"_ Caroline thought.

******

The next day, Annie called Richard. "Richie, it's Annie".

"Annie? Why are you calling? Is something wrong with Caroline?"

"Relax, Richie. Everything is okay" Annie answered.

"So why are you calling, Annie? I always call you to find out what's going on with Caroline. Did you sound her out again, see if she's ready to talk with me?" a curious Richard asked.

"No Richie. It's just that… oh, it's nothing, never mind" Annie realized too late that she shouldn't have called.

"You must have called for a reason, Annie. What is it?" an anxious Richard asked.

"Oh… it's just that… Caroline was doing this thing yesterday, calling her old friends and sayin' she's sorry. I was sure she'd call you, I just wanted to find out how it went."

A despondent Richard replied "She didn't call."

"Oh, well look at that, I'm late for a show. Nice talking with you Richie. Gotta go. Bye" Annie said as she quickly hung up the phone.

_"Caroline called everyone but me"_ a downcast Richard thought. _"God, she must still hate me."_


	10. Caroline in Richard's Mother's Womb Cha...

**Caroline in Richard's Mother's Womb**

Chapter 10

Two weeks later, Caroline started to prepare for life outside the Givens Center. She had considered staying with her parents in Peshtigo, a warm cocoon against the real world. But Caroline had discussed this with Dr. Hope, and sooner or later Caroline would have to face the outside world again. When she did, Dr. Hope said it would be better if she started out by staying at a halfway house, among others with similar problems, to enforce some discipline in her life, and to give her a partial buffer from the stresses of daily life on the outside. Wherever she lived, she would need to start working again. Caroline decided that she wanted to remain a cartoonist, and the best place to restart her career would be back in New York.

Caroline nervously called Del at his Cassidy Greeting Cards office. "Hey Del, it's Caroline. Do you have time to talk, I know you must be busy."

"Hey Caroline! No, I have time, I don't have any meetings for awhile. What's up?" Del asked.

Caroline was hesitant "Well Del,… I'll get right to the point… I was wondering… what are the chances of getting a job as a cartoonist at Cassidy?"

"Caroline, I would love to have you working here!" Del exclaimed. Caroline was relieved and excited. "But…"

Caroline's insecurity showed "I knew it! They don't want a drunkard on the staff! "

"No, that's not it, Caroline! God, if that were true, half the staff would be gone. Assuming you stay on the wagon, and make your deadlines, Dad and my sister Vanessa don't care about that. In fact, being a drinker puts you on Dad's good side. But there were some hard feelings on Dad's, and especially my brother Garner's part, about you abandoning Cassidy for Eagle Greetings." Del mumbled this next sentence "In fact, they may be under the impression that you were the one that lured me away from the family business."

"What?!!" exclaimed Caroline. "Where would they have gotten that idea?"

Del continued to mumble "I sort of told them that when I came back… But hey! Don't you worry! I'm sure I can talk them into bringing you back. My family's not the type to hold grudges… Actually, they are, but when it comes to dollars and cents, they quickly forget them. If you can make them money, they'll be glad to have you back. But they'd want to see that you're reliable, they'd want you to work at the office."

"That won't be a problem, Del. I don't know where I'll be staying yet, but it probably won't be big enough to work out of. Anyway, I need some financial stability. I need a staff job with a regular salary, instead of working as an independent, like before. I need money **now**, and I know I won't be able to command an advance with cartoon Caroline out of stores and newspapers for so long."

"Hmm… Well Caroline, since Cassidy would be taking a chance on you, paying you without any money coming in initially, your starting salary wouldn't be very high. And knowing Sis, she'd want a bigger piece of the pie – part of the action from your comic strip business as well as greeting cards. We can probably work out a deal where we pay you a fairly low salary, but you'd get a commission based on the amount of business you bring in."

Caroline swallowed hard. She'd be making a **lot** less money than before. "Well… I don't like it, but I guess I did this to myself. I don't have too much choice if I want to get back into the business. I suppose that I have to agree."

"There's another problem, Caroline. A lot of newspaper owners and shop owners are angry about missed strips and cards. Your distribution network will be starting at zero again" Del warned.

"I didn't expect this to be easy" Caroline replied.

"The good news is, the newspaper and shop owners also don't carry grudges when dollar signs are involved. 'Caroline in the City' still has a lot of fans. They don't know anything about your problems. In fact, I hope you don't mind, but one of the last official acts of Eagle Greeting Cards was to issue a statement that you would be taking a hiatus from "Caroline in the City" for awhile, sort of like that Garry Treudeau guy with "Doonesbury". There's still demand for your product. If anything, your 'hiatus' has increased demand. It'll be hard work, but I'm sure we can get a lot of newspapers and shop owners back on board… You go ahead and make your plans to come back to New York. I'll call you back when everything is set at Cassidy."

"Thanks Del. I really appreciate this" said Caroline.

******

Two weeks later…

Annie, Del, and Charlie were at La Guardia airport, waiting by the end of a Jetway to greet Caroline. Annie held an "I heart Caroline" sign, Del carried a small bouquet of flowers, while Charlie held a bunch of balloons.

When Caroline emerged from the Jetway, they all shouted "Surprise!", then greeted her. All at the same time, Annie said "Welcome back, hun!", Del said "It's great to see you!", and Charlie said "Hey, Caroline!"

Caroline, genuinely surprised, flashed a glowing smiled. She reached them and said "Oh you guys, this is a great surprise!" and hugged them all. When the hug broke, Del handed her the flowers, and Charlie handed her the balloons. They all started walking (except Charlie, who skated) towards the baggage area.

Caroline asked "Annie, did you call the halfway house?"

"Yeah, everything's set. They're expecting you today" replied Annie.

The made small talk as they made their way to pick up Caroline's bags. Then Annie worked into the conversation "You know who's missing from this picture? Richie. He should be here."

Caroline stiffened at the mention of Richard's name. "Oh, I doubt if he wants to see me" she replied.

Richard, waiting semi-hidden in an airport gift shop, saw Annie give him a subtle wave off with one hand, and sadly watched as Del, Caroline, Annie, and Charlie passed by. 

******

Caroline's first day at Cassidy Greeting Cards was familiar, yet strange. She knew most of the people, although two plus years at Eagle Greetings and most of another without working had produced a few new faces. But she had always worked from her loft, and had only really become friends with Charlie and Del. Caroline had a cramped little office. There were just four walls and a door, it had no windows. It had a couch, where she could sit or lay down when trying to come up with ideas. Del had thoughtfully decorated the place with some Caroline cartoons, which she had left at Annie's. But most of the space was taken up by her familiar old partners desk, which Caroline had requested Del have moved from storage. Having something familiar to work on would help, she thought. It was one of the few things that she hadn't sold when she had held a garage sale, at a time when she was desperate for money. She just couldn't part with it – there were too many memories. Del and Charlie came by to welcome her, of course. Vanessa, Del's sister, and president of the company had come down to give her a formal welcoming speech. Caroline knew that Garner, Del's brother, also worked at Cassidy, but she didn't see him that day. Caroline passed some fellow cartoonists in the hall, such as Audrey Gerson, a robust woman, who had created "Flower Friends", and Trevor Bracknell, a timid elderly man, who contrary to appearances, had created the macho, violent "Sergeant Buck". All of them were nervously polite to her. _"Must have heard I'm a drunk"_ Caroline thought.

******

Caroline's first two weeks back at work had been harder than expected. For the most part, the people were fine. As Caroline got to know the others at Cassidy, they became friendlier to her. She had always made friends easily. Only Garner had given her any problems. Despite the fact that Del had much more experience, and at higher positions, he resented the fact that Del had abandoned the family business, then came back and got promoted above him. Garner's resentment of Del spread to Caroline, plus he had always blamed Caroline for Del's leaving Cassidy in the first place. Whenever they were alone, where no one else could hear, Garner always made a snide remark to Caroline. Caroline never told anyone about it. _"Why should I?"_ she thought. _"Who'd believe me? I'm a drunk, he's part of the owner's family, and he's high up in the company. Anyway, he would just say he's kidding. Besides, most of what he implies is true."_

When she was alone in her office, Caroline had plenty of quiet to think creatively, as opposed to the nearly constant chaos at her previous workplace, her old apartment. But the truth was, the constant interruptions and interactions with friends gave Caroline welcome relief, and provided inspiration for many of her strips and cards. 

But her biggest problem was, Caroline also had to spend many hours on her "second job". Starting from scratch again meant Caroline had to meet and greet many potential customers. She knew she was in a precarious position at Cassidy, bringing in no income, so there was enormous pressure to sign up newspapers and shops, and fast. Potential buyers expected her to be friendly… maybe more… and refusing to join them for at least one "friendly drink" was pretty awkward. When Caroline saw Del walk by, she asked him to come in.

"Del, I'd like to talk to you about something."

"Sure, Caroline, what is it?" Del said as he entered and sat down.

"I know you're paying me, and I'm not bringing any money into Cassidy yet, but I need an assistant. I'm trying to build a backlog of strips and cards, and I'm meeting and greeting potential customers. And as much as I love working again, my top priority is staying sober. I can't just work a lot of hours, I have to spend evenings and weekends at the halfway house, attending meetings and talking with other recovering alcoholics."

"When would you need this person?" Del asked.

"Tomorrow?" answered Caroline, hopefully.

"Well Caroline, I have to tell you that you're skating on thin ice here. I'll try to get the company to hire an assistant, but I can't promise anything. Probably the best I could do would be for Cassidy to spring for half an assistant's salary. Would you be willing to pay the other half from yours?" Caroline nodded. "Okay, Cassidy will probably agree to that, I'll check with Sis. I'll get back with you in a little bit, and if the answer is yes, you can hire whoever you want." Del shook his head "You know Caroline, it may be hard to find a person who qualifies. You need a good artist, who will be willing to work for low pay and start tomorrow. Good luck." Del got up and left.

_"You forgot to add, __Del__, I need somebody who already knows me, somebody who understands how I work, somebody I can trust.  I don't have time to show them the ropes. Oh, I'm never gonna find someone like that"_ Caroline thought, discouraged.

Then an unbidden thought forced it's way into Caroline's consciousness _"Richard"._ Despite her effort to suppress it, the thought stayed there, just as it had several times the past two weeks. _"I don't want to think of Richard… I just do"_ she thought. _"Maybe it was a mistake to bring the partners desk here. It reminds me too much of our times together. I don't want to be near him… but I need him. What should I do?"_ she pondered. _"I need to talk to Annie."_

******

"Hi Annie. Thanks for coming down here and meeting me for lunch."

"No problem… you're paying right?... No problem, I know how busy you are, and I'm not working until tonight."

After they ordered, Annie asked "It sounded like you wanted to discuss something when you invited me to lunch. What's up?"

"It's work, Annie. I can't skip my AA meetings, and between all the strips, cards, and meetings, I can't get everything done. I've gotten permission to hire an assistant. I need a good artist that's willing to work for low pay, and someone I can trust" explained Caroline.

"Sounds like a certain creature of the night we all know" replied Annie.

"Oh Annie, I'm not sure I want to see Richard… I'm not sure I'm ready to see him... Besides, after what I said to him, I doubt if he wants to see me. Do you know what he's been up to?" asked Caroline.

Annie weighed her next words carefully. She knew Richie cared about Caroline. He cared enough that, even though he desperately wanted to call her, he refrained for fear of upsetting her emotional balance. Richie had asked Annie to gently sound Caroline out about contacting her, asking Annie to not even let her know he was asking about her. _"Oh great"_ thought Annie. _"I'm back to keeping secrets from Caroline for Richie. Well, she has to face him sooner or later. She has a right to know some things. Ready or not, I'm gonna tell Caroline the truth – at least part of it."_

"Funny you should ask" Annie finally answered. "Ma's been keeping up with him, they've become friends. He visits her at Aunt Camille's in Paramus weekly. How weird is that?... Anyway, Gomez and Morticia have split."

"Really?" responded Caroline, acting surprised.

"Yeah, and Richie is working as a painter."

"Oh" replied Caroline, disappointed. "If he's finally making money doing what he loves, he won't want to work for me."

Annie laughed "No sweetie, he's not slopping paint on canvas, he's slopping paint on apartment walls. He hates it! It may mean a pay cut, but believe me, you'd be doing him a favor by offering him a job."

"Oh Annie, I don't know… What if things don't work out?"

"C'mon, Caroline! It's not like you're gonna marry the guy or something! You need help at work, what can it hurt to ask? If he says no, no harm done. If he says yes, you tell him it's strictly business. If things get too awkward, you can him! He won't mind, he'll just go back to painting apartments."

"I guess you're right. Thanks for the advice, Annie."

"Hey, how about that? I'm givin' you advice for once. I hope it works out."

******

The next day, Caroline nervously awaited Richard in her office. She had left a message on his machine, asking him to come in to discuss business. Caroline had arrived early, wanting to arrange everything just so. She had agonized over what to wear. She wanted to appear attractive, but not too sexy. She wanted to appear businesslike, but not unfriendly.

Promptly at nine o'clock, Richard appeared at the door. As usual, he was dressed all in black – shirt, pants, and coat. He stood, locked in place. Caroline and Richard eyes locked, they held their breaths for what seemed like an eternity.

"So…" Richard started.

"So…"

After another long pause, Richard again broke the ice. "You wanted to discuss business?"

"Business… uh, yes. I need an assistant, Richard. I can't afford to pay much, your salary'd be the same as before. What do you say?" Caroline said, trying to smile expectantly.

"The money's fine, Caroline. I'd still be at the poverty level, what else is new? But as for working here with you… do you think that's such a good idea?" Richard asked.

"Richard, I understand if you don't want to work with me, after the horrible things I said to you the last time we met."

"No! That's not what I meant, Caroline! I know that was just the bottle talking."

"It's very generous of you to say that" said Caroline. _"Especially since I was sober at the time"_ she thought.

"I mean… how do you feel about me? I abandoned you for months, just when you needed me most" Richard could barely choke the last words out.

"Oh Richard… I know you're my friend. I know that it was Julia's jealousy that kept you away… A marriage is more important than a job, a wife more important than a former boss, I understand."

"Thank you for understanding, Caroline" Richard said, thinking _"I hope she never guesses the real reason."_ Then he added "But there's something else I have to tell you…"

"If you mean the fact that you and Julia have separated, Annie told me yesterday" said Caroline _"Plus, I already knew"_ she thought. "I know what you're thinking, Richard. You being here every day, and my pining over you will drive me over the edge. Well, don't worry, I'm over you now. Besides, I'm not gonna be in any relationships for awhile. I learned in group therapy that it's not a good idea to start a relationship too soon after recovery, you're too emotionally vulnerable, and prone to making rash decisions. I want us to be friends, but just friends. The last time I had feelings for someone… I let them get out of control, and the drinking made it worse. I don't want to do anything that puts me at a higher risk of falling off the wagon. Right now, my highest priority is staying sober."

Richard was visibly relieved – but in the back of his mind, also disappointed. "In that case" he said, "What would like me to start on?"


	11. Caroline in Richard's Mother's Womb Cha...

**Caroline in Richard's Mother's Womb**

Chapter 11

Despite the initial awkwardness, Caroline and Richard quickly settled into a productive work routine at their Cassidy Greeting Cards office. Caroline always showed up promptly at nine, Richard was usually a half hour late. Sometimes they would work in silence. Sometimes they would exchange playful banter, usually consisting of Caroline making some cheerful observation, and Richard countering with a sarcastic remark. Del and Charlie would wander in and out of the office. Annie was no longer next door, but she and Caroline would talk on the phone often during the day, since Annie worked nights. _"I miss Richard and Annie's barbs"_ thought Caroline. Even "Salty" was there – although only an inanimate plush toy version of her. That was one of Del's ideas, to promote her revitalized "Caroline and the City" strip. It was almost like Caroline was working in her old apartment – with a few important exceptions. She could no longer just get up, take a shower, and walk downstairs to work. The hours she worked were more regimented. She could no longer just declare the workday done, and start cooking dinner or watching TV. Her bus back to the halfway house left at 5:36 each evening.

It was only a few days after Richard's return that Del appeared at her office door, smiling broadly. "Great news, Caroline!" Del exclaimed. "Oh, hi Richard."

"What?" Caroline enthusiastically queried.

"'Caroline' is no longer homeless in the City! She finally has a home. The "New York Post" is going start carrying her this Sunday! Congratulations! Now you no longer have to worry about keeping your job."

"Oh Del, the first newspaper to retake my strip! That's so great!" Caroline exclaimed as she got up and hugged Del. "Wait a minute. I was in danger of losing my job?"

"Oh, uh… yeah" Del admitted. "I didn't want to worry you, but Dad and Sis were getting sort of antsy. We're paying your and part of Richard's salary too, and no money was coming in. But hey! Now that they see the cash starting to trickle in, they'll be a lot more tolerant. We still need a lot more papers and stores to sign up to break even on you, but now they know that the demand is there, that 'Caroline' will grow. Well, congratulations again! Bye" Del said as he left.

Caroline returned to the partners desk. "Wow, isn't that great news, Richard? Now I know that I'm not wasting my time drawing these strips. People still love little 'Caroline'!"

Richard had watched the previous scene in silence, and took some time before answering. "So… only part of my pay is coming from Cassidy. Where is the other part coming from, Caroline?"

"Uh… I'm paying half your salary, Richard… I was afraid if I told you, you'd refuse to take the job."

"I may have, Caroline. Cassidy can't be paying you much, you can't afford to be paying half my salary. I appreciate the sacrifice you're making, but I should go back to painting apartments."

"Richard, I can't afford **not** to have you here! You can see how busy we are! If I didn't have… my problem, I could throw myself at my work, spend all my time at the office, and not need an assistant. But I need to talk to other recovering alcoholics, I need to go to AA meetings, I can't spend all my time at work. I **need** you Richard."

Richard was touched. "Well… okay, I'll stay." Then he cracked "But no more putting little hats on 'Salty' there!"

"Deal!" agreed Caroline.

******

"Lunchtime!" Richard said gleefully. "Caroline, do you want to go down to the building's cafeteria with me?"

Caroline, who had become anxious as lunchtime approached, replied "No, I have to meet a potential client for lunch."

Sensing that something was wrong, Richard asked "What's the matter? Don't you get to go out to a nice restaurant, with Cassidy picking up the tab?"

"Yeah" Caroline reluctantly admitted "but I just hate going to these meetings alone."

Although she didn't tell him, Richard could figure out the problem, and offered "Well… I could go with you. I **am** your assistant."

"Would you, Richard? Thank you so much. I'll submit your lunch in the expense report, but I'll pay for it even if Cassidy doesn't reimburse me for your lunch."

"That's not necessary, Caroline."

"Let's go!" Caroline smiled as they left the office.

……

The man in the suit, the 'buyer' for his newspaper spoke "Well Miss Duffy… Caroline, since the "New York Post" started publishing your strip, and your fans see that your 'hiatus' is over, our readers have been clamoring for us to get "Caroline in the City" back. If our previous fee schedule is agreeable to you, we have a deal. I have the papers here. Shall we celebrate with a drink?"

"Well… uh…"

Richard broke in "Mr. Figeroa, what I think what Caroline is slightly embarrassed to mention is that Cassidy has a strict zero tolerance policy regarding intoxication in the workplace. A blood alcohol level above only .01 could result in dismissal. Now, of course, we" Richard continued, smiling at Caroline "would show no effects from just one drink, so chances are, no one would ever know. But we are subject to random testing, so there could be a slight chance…"

"Say no more" Mr. Figeroa replied. "I understand."

"Why don't we celebrate over dessert instead" offered Richard.

……

After the client left, just before leaving themselves, Caroline turned to Richard "Wow, Richard! 'Zero tolerance policy'? That was amazing! Where did you come up with that?"

"I don't know. I just opened my mouth and kept on going. Kind of like you at the office" Richard quipped, as Caroline smirked. "I hope I didn't sound too asinine."

"No, it was great. Thank you, Richard. You don't know how much I appreciate this. We really make a great team."


	12. Caroline in Richard's Mother's Womb Cha...

**Caroline in Richard's Mother's Womb**

Chapter 12

It was getting to be near the end of the month, and Caroline had a decision to make: Pay for another month to stay at the halfway house, or try to make it on her own. She weighed the risks versus her desire to get out of the place. It's structure and discipline had made life simpler during the transition from Givens for the two months since she had returned to New York. But she could still attend AA and group therapy, even if she lived elsewhere, Caroline reasoned. She hadn't touched a drop of liquor for five months. The Zoloft antidepressant tablets and therapy had given her a better outlook on life, enabling her to better withstand the pressures of life. Besides, the pressure had lessened: work, though still a grind, had become easier as she achieved modest success. Her fear and guilt about facing her wronged friends had been put behind her. _"Besides…"_ Caroline thought _"…if I even **think** about drinking again, the Antabuse will make me sicker than a dog."_ Caroline remembered, back at Givens just before leaving, when they started her on the Antabuse regimen, then demonstrated its affect. They let her take just of sip of wine, and within ten minutes, Caroline had a pounding headache and nausea, which lasted for hours. _"I think I'm ready"_ Caroline thought, and decided to take action the next day.

******

Around noon the next day, Annie appeared at Caroline's Cassidy Greeting Cards office. Richard saw her, and took the opportunity to needle her.

"Annie… what are you doing in this part of town? I thought you usually strolled around the docks, looking for sailors. Or have you decided to move uptown, and start working the conventions?"

"Listen, Count Karinsula, at least I don't have to bite somebody's neck off to get a little human contact. And for your information, I happen to be here to go out to lunch with Caroline."

Caroline grinned at the exchange. Her two best friends pretended to hate each other, but she knew better. "C'mon Annie. Let's go before it gets too crowded."

……

After ordering their meal, Caroline started a rehearsed speech. "Annie, I'd like to ask you for something, and you have every right to say "no", after what happened last time. I'd like to move in with you again at the beginning of the month. But this time, it wouldn't be charity, I'd be paying half the rent. I really don't want to spend every night with a bunch of strangers anymore. It's been helpful, but I can go anywhere for AA meetings. I've thought about this a lot, and I think I'm ready to move on."

"Oh hun. Are you sure?" Annie asked.

"Annie… I'm not sure of anything, anymore, but I think so. I haven't had a drink for five months, and I'm feeling a lot better. The antidepressants and therapy has really helped. Besides, I have a safety net" Caroline took a bottle of pills out of her purse and displayed them to Annie. "This Antabuse stuff really works. Five cents a day for these babies, and if I even see a drink, I get sicker than a dog. I even have to be careful that I don't accidentally rinse with a mouthwash containing alcohol… Besides, I really miss Salty." Caroline reached out and touched Annie's hand "Please?"

"Okay, sweetie. I'll make things as easy for you as I can, by throwing out all my booze again. But I can't be you mother. I won't be checking up on you, you have to keep yourself out of trouble. And if I smell even one drop of booze on your breath…" warned Annie.

"I know, Annie, I know."

"…You're out. And no fuss about it, 'cause you already agreed. And another thing… If you do fall off the wagon, and I kick your sorry ass out, no more staying out on the streets. You gotta promise me you'll go to someplace where I'll know where you are, and where people care about you and can look after you. I went through hell those two weeks you were out on the streets."

"I know, Annie. I'm sorry. I promise."

"Okay then, it's settled. You can move in next month… Look, food's here!"

******

During the next few weeks, Caroline's life settled into a pleasant routine.

At Annie's, the girls had a few initial spats. Caroline's Midwestern upbringing caused her to try to clean up every mess that Annie made, which drove Annie crazy. Finally, Annie put her foot down.

……

"Caroline, you're driving me crazy like Ma used to. Listen, in your own corner of the apartment, clean and organize to you heart's content. Everywhere else, leave it like it is. It may be a mess, but I know where everything is."

"Okay, Annie."

……

After that was settled, the girls got along great. During the week, Caroline worked days, and Annie, when she did work, worked nights. But on weekends, they went out together. Sometimes, Caroline even accompanied Annie to clubs or parties. Caroline wasn't looking to pick up a guy. The truth was, she did it more as a self-test, to see how she would fare in places where booze was available – knowing Annie would be watching her like a hawk, in case she stumbled. And Caroline re-bonded with Salty. She had missed Salty terribly, but Salty had been skittish at first. During her months of heavy drinking, Caroline had neglected and sometimes verbally abused poor Salty. But after a few days, Salty would purr whenever Caroline petted her, and rubbed up against her legs whenever she got home from work.

At work, things also seemed to be getting easier for Caroline. There was as much work to do as ever, but more and more newspapers and shops picked up "Caroline in the City" strips and cards, which eased her fears about getting laid off. And Richard… dark and cynical as ever, he was still a pleasure to work with. Responsible, a hard worker, and the most gifted colorist she'd ever had. And… maybe some day, more. Caroline found herself staring at Richard as he worked, quickly averting her gaze whenever he looked up. She kept telling herself that she wasn't ready for any relationship beyond friendship, and kept Richard at arms length.

******

At their Cassidy office, Richard was at the partners desk, sitting opposite Caroline. Richard had noticed Caroline wasn't her usual (when sober) cheerful self that day, and remarked "Caroline, you seem a little off. In fact, your color is off, you seem a bit jaundiced. Are you feeling well?"

"Now that you mention it Richard, I haven't been quite myself lately. It's probably just a mild touch of the flu or something, nothing serious. Thanks for your concern, though" Caroline answered.

……

That night, it was time for Caroline's daily Antabuse, her alcohol aversion pill. She had already taken the pill out, but that night, she hesitated and thought _"I **have** been feeling poorly lately. Dr. Hope mentioned Antabuse might have side effects, and they seem to match the symptoms I've been having lately. Maybe I should skip a few days, see if the symptoms go away, see if it's the Antabuse that's causing the problem. Besides, I don't really **need** it, it's just a safety net in case my other defenses fail. I haven't had a drink in such a long time, and everything's going fine."_

Caroline put the pill away.

……

Over the next few days, Caroline's symptoms receded, and her habit of taking Antabuse daily disappeared completely. Had she consulted, her physician probably would have told her to do exactly the same thing. Caroline's mistake though, was in not telling anybody about what she had done…

******

It was a Sunday night, Richard was in his apartment. Work was piling up, and Richard had decided (for once) to get in early on Monday, to try to get caught up. He needed some instructions from Caroline, and decided to call her at Annie's apartment.

"Hey."

"Hello, Annie. This is Richard. I need to speak with Caroline about work."

"Sorry Richie. She's not back yet."

"It's almost nine o'clock. The AA meeting breaks up at eight. She should be back by now" said Richard, a little worried.

"Oh, she's not at an AA meeting, she's out with… oh… uh… she's out."

"What do you mean Annie? It's Sunday night. She goes to her AA meeting every Sunday night."

"Uh… is it Sunday night? Oh, I'm sorry, I must've thought it was Saturday. She must just be a little late gettin' back from the meeting" lied Annie.

"Annie… Caroline has an AA meeting on Saturdays, too . It's every Tuesday, Thursday, Saturday, and Sunday night."

"Uh… well Richie, don't pay any attention to me. You know me, they call me "scatter-brained Annie"."

"Annie, where is she?"

"She's just a little late gettin' back from the meeting, Richie. Honest."

"She's out with a man, isn't she?"

"No, Richie".

"I mean, she has every right to go out with someone. I mean, she's my boss, not my girlfriend. It's just that, she made a big deal about not seeing anyone, saying that she's not ready yet… Please, just tell me the truth, Annie."

"Richie, I'm tellin' ya…"

click

"Damn!" swore Annie.

……

_"Caroline's with a man"_ Richard thought. With the left side of his brain, Richard thought that Caroline had a perfect right to be with whoever she wanted to be with. She and Richard were just friends, they just worked together. Yeah, it bothered him a little that she had misled him, but she probably had her reasons.

With the right side of his brain, Richard thought **_"Caroline's with a man!"_** This thought overpowered his more reasoned one. He just had to see it, had to see it for himself, see if it was true. Where would Caroline have gone? It was already almost nine, and if they had gone out to eat, most restaurants would close at ten. If he wanted to catch them before they went somewhere else (**_"No!"_** his brain screamed), Richard only had time to check out one guess, so he decided to try Remo's.

……

Richard arrived at Remo's, and peered inside through the window. There she was! And a man was with her! He appeared to be somewhat older, in his late thirties, and they both were dressed casually. Richard just stood and watched, mesmerized. They appeared to laugh at each other's jokes. They leaned into each other, appearing to share intimate secrets. At times, Caroline appeared to be sad, other times scared, and each time the man wrapped his arms around Caroline to comfort her. She seemed totally at ease with him. _"This is no awkward first date. Caroline must have real feelings for this guy"_ Richard thought, as he sadly walked away.


	13. Caroline in Richard's Mother's Womb Cha...

**Caroline in Richard's Mother's Womb**

Chapter 13

That Monday morning, Richard arrived at their Cassidy Greeting Cards office early, as he had planned. He did as much work as he could, without the instructions that he had tried to get from Caroline last night. But the real reason for his arriving early was, he wanted to confront Caroline as soon as she walked through the door.

Caroline entered, and was surprised to see Richard at the partners desk. "Hey Richard! You're here early."

"It's exactly nine o'clock, our scheduled start time" replied Richard.

"That's what I mean" smirked Caroline.

"I wanted to catch up some. Work has piled up."

"Well, good" said Caroline, as she settled into her partners desk chair.

"Uh… Caroline, how was your weekend?" asked Richard, a bit awkwardly. He **never** was the one to initiate small talk.

"Fine, Richard. How was yours?" she asked.

"Interesting… I discovered something new this weekend. But tell me, how did your AA meetings go on Saturday and Sunday?"

Caroline grimaced for a split second, which she always did before she had to lie to a friend. "Oh… they were okay, nothing special. Oh, I take that back, it's always special when people help each other fight off that tremendous craving for a drink, if just for one more day. But, it was nothing unusual."

"So you went to meetings on **both** nights?" asked Richard.

"Y – Y – Yessss… Why do you ask?"

"I stopped by Remo's last night, Caroline."

"Oh god! Let me explain…"

"You don't have to explain anything to me Caroline. We work together, we're friends, there's no other attachment. I just don't understand why you had to lie to me about it. You made a big deal about "not being ready" to meet anyone. You could have told me the truth."

"You don't understand! Mark and I didn't go out! I mean, it wasn't a date!"

"Oh… 'Mark', huh? Well, Caroline, I watched you for awhile. You laughed together, you shared secrets, he comforted you. It seems like Mark is pretty special to you."

"He is… It's just not what you think… Mark is my sponsor" answered Caroline.

"Your sponsor?" asked Richard.

"Yes… another recovering alcoholic that's been through the program before. Somebody that understands what you're going through. Someone that you can talk to about anything and everything, 'cause when you're an alcoholic, anything in your life can affect whether you drink or not. Someone who will be there, anytime, day or night, to talk with you, if you get that urge to drink. Everybody in AA has a sponsor."

"Caroline, I understand. But why did you lie? Why did you feel you had to hide this from me?"

"I didn't know if you would understand. We… we… had feelings for each other once. I didn't know how you would feel about me sharing all my feelings and secrets with another man. I mean, some men get jealous because their partner has a woman best friend that she shares all her secrets with. There are things I talk with Annie about, because she's a woman, and things I talk with Mark about, because he's an alcoholic."

Richard looked directly into Caroline's eyes. "Caroline, there's **never** any reason you need to lie to me. I'm always here to help you."

"Thank you, Richard. I'm sorry."

******

It was two weeks later, Caroline had just entered their office. She looked very sharp, wearing a business dress suit and high heels. "I can't wait to get off my feet and out of these shoes" said Caroline.

Richard, who had been pensive all day, quickly hid some papers he had been looking at inside the partners desk. Hoping she hadn't noticed, Richard eyed her figure and dress appreciatively, then commented "Things went well this afternoon?" Caroline nodded. "You've been doing very well at these business lunches by yourself. I'm proud of you."

Caroline's face glowed because of the compliment "Well, thank you Richard". Caroline plopped down on the office couch, kicked off her shoes, and wiggled her toes. "Ahh… that feels good!"

Richard went back to coloring the strip that he had been working on. But Caroline had noticed that Richard was trying to hide something, and came up to him and teased "Richard, I saw you trying to hide something. What was it?"

"Nothing important, Caroline. Can we get back to work?"

"C'mon Richard, you know you're gonna tell me eventually anyway, you always do" Caroline pouted. "Please?" she pleaded as her had reached for the desk drawer.

"Caroline! No!" Richard nearly shouted, angrily.

"Fine! Just because we spend every day sitting across a desk from each other, it doesn't mean we have to share what's important in our lives!" Caroline stewed.

"Caroline, it's just that..." Richard could continue, his voiced choked with emotion.

Caroline went over behind Richard, and put her arm around him "What is it Richard, what's wrong?"

He sighed and pulled out the papers from the desk. "It's from Italy, from Julia's lawyer. It's our divorce papers. I've been thinking about them all day" Richard replied despondently.

"Oh Richard, I'm sorry. But sometimes these things just happen."

"No Caroline, no. this isn't a lightning storm or an earthquake. A divorce happens because two people failed to make a marriage work. I'm a failure."

"Richard, you don't have to talk about it, but I'm sure whatever happened was Julia's fault" Caroline said, trying to console him.

"No Caroline. It wasn't Julia's fault, it was my fault. I never told you why or when Julia left, did I?" Caroline shook her head. "It was the evening that Charlie found you, and brought you to my apartment. Although you wouldn't remember, because you had passed out. Julia left because she was jealous of you, and rightfully so. She wanted me to have nothing to do with you, to let others take care of you, if you needed help. She gave me a choice: you or her. But I couldn't just leave you for someone else to take care of. I couldn't because I was… I **do**… care about you. I have to know that you're alright."

"Oh Richard..." Caroline whispered, as she gazed deeply into his beautiful brown eyes.

"Caroline…"

"Richard, we've been 'just friends' long enough" Caroline murmured, as she started to kiss Richard tenderly…


	14. Caroline in Richard's Mother's Womb Cha...

**Caroline in Richard's Mother's Womb**

Chapter 14

All the passion that Caroline and Richard had for each other that had been pent up for so long was suddenly released. They kissed as if there were no tomorrow, as if nobody and nothing else in the world existed.

"Mmm…"

"Mmm…"

"Mmm… Richard…"

"Mmm… Caroline…"

"Mmm… do ya wanna…?" moaned Caroline.

"Mmm… wanna what…?" Richard groaned, totally aroused, as he eyed the couch.

"Mmm… start dating…?"

"Mmm… dating…? Mmm… Oh… yeah sure…"

Caroline pulled back a little "What did you think I meant?"

Richard leaned in to kiss Caroline again "Mmm… what you said… mmm… is exactly… mmm… what I thought… mmm… you meant…" he lied.

Just then, Del walked by, and discreetly knocked on the office door. "Uh… guys…? Next time you might want to close the door." Embarrassed, Caroline and Richard pulled away from each other, and tried to straighten up. Del quipped to lower the tension "You know, you guys should be more careful… the sprinkler system is tied to a heat sensor."

Richard tried to explain "Uh, Del, we were just…!"

"Yeah…!" Caroline added.

"I can see" concluded Del.

Gathering herself together, Caroline asked "Did you stop by for a reason, Del?"

"Yeah, the big brass has decided to hold a meeting for everyone in the conference room upstairs in five minutes. Sorry about the short notice."

"Del, by 'big brass', do you mean Vanessa?" asked Caroline.

"Yeah, apparently Sis has some news she wants to spread. See ya up there" Del said as he left.

……

As Caroline and Richard approached the upstairs conference room, they heard a lot of voices from the people already inside.

"Sounds like most of the people are already here" remarked Caroline.

As they neared, they heard a "Shhh…", then silence.

As the passed through the door, everyone started clapping.

Del, his sister Vanessa, even his brother Garner, as well as all the other cartoonists, and Charlie were in the conference room.

"What is this?! What's going on?" asked Caroline.

The applause died down as Del started to speak "Caroline, we, at Cassidy Greeting Cards, just wanted to congratulate you. As of today, 100 newspapers are publishing "Caroline in the City"! Good going, Care!" Everyone started clapping again, and cleared a path for Caroline and Richard to a table, where they saw small cardboard cutout Caroline, who was saying "100! Way to go!", and a frosted cake, with "100" decorated on top. The "1" was a flower stem, with a tiny flower petal "head" on top, and tiny "arm" leaves on either side. Both "0"'s were flower petal faces.

"I bet I know who decorated the cake!" laughed Caroline.

"Guilty!" admitted Audrey, creator of "Flower Friends".

Del interrupted the celebrations for a short speech. "People! People! Before we start eating cake, I would like to say a few words. This little lady" Del said as he patted Caroline "has been through some hard times. But she came back to Cassidy, worked hard and persevered, and has become a success again." He handed her an envelope. "Here you go, Duff. Congratulations."

"What's this?" Caroline queried, as she took the envelope, opened it, and found a key inside.

"It's the key to your new, larger office. It's up on this floor. I know the two of you have been cramped downstairs." Everyone applauded, Caroline thanked Del, and gave him a quick hug.

Vanessa cleared her throat. "Caroline, as president of Cassidy Greeting Cards, I just want to say - we took a chance on you, paying you when no money was coming in. Well, we can all see that you're going to more than pay us back. We feel you deserve something more in return." Vanessa handed Caroline another envelope, and congratulated her.

Caroline opened the envelope. "A raise? A raise?! Oh Richard, I got a raise!" She turned and gave Richard a quick hug, then turned and gave a quick hug to Vanessa. "Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you!" Everyone applauded, then started demanding "Speech, speech, speech!"

"Thank you, everyone, thank you. I just want to thank Cassidy Greeting Cards, for giving me this chance. I want to thank Del, for having faith in me. But most of all, I want to thank Richard. I wouldn't have been able to do it without you." Caroline waved the envelope. "I just want to say, I'm not the only one getting a raise today. Richard, part of this is going to you!" Everyone applauded, then Caroline concluded "Okay, it's time for cake!" She went and started cutting the cake.

Caroline cut and placed the pieces on paper plates. Each person would come up, congratulate Caroline, take a plate and plastic fork, then go back to a clique of people for small talk.

As she cut, Del came up to her and quipped "Are you sure this was a surprise Caroline? I mean, it seemed like you were already 'thanking' Richard before the party."

"Del!"

"Alright, alright. Just having a little fun."

……

This office party, like all office parties, lasted only a few minutes. Caroline and Richard were the last two people there. Neat freak that she was, Caroline had stayed to clean up, and Richard was helping.

"Caroline, before all our stuff gets moved to our new office, maybe we could get back and continue what we started. After all, one good raise deserves another" Richard quipped, the double meaning obvious.

Caroline stopped cleaning for a moment, turned to Richard, and became serious. "Richard, I want to go slow. I want to make sure everything is just right. If things go wrong,… I'm afraid… I'm afraid I won't be able to handle it."

Richard became equally serious, and tenderly stroked her cheek. "Fast… slow… we can go any speed that you want, Caroline. You're worth waiting for."


	15. Caroline in Richard's Mother's Womb Cha...

**Caroline in Richard's Mother's Womb**

Chapter 15

Caroline and Richard did take things slowly for the next few weeks. They would go out every Friday night, and sometimes on Sundays, if Caroline broke her "date" with Mark, her AA sponsor. But Caroline never let anything interfere with her AA meetings on Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Saturdays. Staying sober was still the top priority in her life. But somehow, Caroline had completely forgotten about discontinuing her Antabuse alcohol aversion medication, and had never mentioned it to Mark or her fellow AA members.

Caroline and Richard sometimes saw each other on weekends during the day also, but not that often, because they still had the mundane chores of life to take care of - laundry, grocery shopping, etc. Also, they both wanted to spend some time on their separate interests - going out with Annie for Caroline, painting for Richard. Although Caroline dreaded his neighborhood, they usually ended up going back to Richard's apartment after a date. They could never tell when Annie would be at the apartment that she and Caroline shared on a Friday night, and they wanted some privacy. They would sit on Richard's bed, kissing and groping, and both, though extremely aroused, hesitated to go further, each for their own reasons. One night, while they sat on his bed, Caroline noticed a tarp in the corner of the apartment.

"What's that?" she asked.

"What?" Richard answered.

"That" Caroline answered and pointed to the tarp.

"Oh... that's a tarp."

"I **know **it's tarp. What's under it? I've seen the tarp before, but never paid attention to it. I thought it was just piled high. But now that I look at it, it looks like it's covering something."

"Oh... it's just some old paintings, Caroline. I'm sure you wouldn't be interested" Richard answered in his smug way that infuriated Caroline.

"Richard... just because I don't understand most of your paintings, doesn't mean I don't enjoy viewing them. What I really enjoy is you explaining them to me, the passion and feeling that you put into them... Please show them to me" Caroline pouted, and at the same time, she batted her big brown eyes at him.

Richard couldn't refuse Caroline "Oh... alright". He hesitantly got up, walked over to the corner, removed the tarp, and brought a stack of paintings over to the bed. The subject of each and every one was Caroline. In some she was still, in others active, in some she was clothed, in others not, some were as realistic as a photograph, in another she had three breasts. But all of them depicted a sweet, loving woman with an outer and inner beauty beyond compare.

Caroline was amazed and surprised. "Richard...! All these paintings… are of **me**! They're amazing. When did you paint these?"

"After you... we... stopped working together. I stopped seeing you for six months. I couldn't be with the real thing, so I created these poor substitutes for you. Julia hated that I painted these, but she knew I had to have some sort of outlet, she thought these would help me get over you. But she was wrong. These just reminded me of how much I was missing, and I wanted you more."

Caroline had always considered herself "cute", but not really very pretty, and certainly not a beauty. She was the "girl next door". "Richard... do you really see me like this? The woman in these paintings... she's so beautiful."

"They're nothing compared to what's in front of me now" Richard said, as he tenderly stroked her cheek.

Their last inhibitions melted away. The night turned out to be very special...

******

Caroline got back to their apartment late one Wednesday night. Annie noticed that Caroline seemed particularly stressed out. She asked Caroline "Hey hun, how are things at work?"

Caroline replied "Oh Annie... you'd think with some success, things would get easier, but they don't. Expectations are higher at Cassidy now. And I still have to spend a lot of time schmoozing potential clients... putting on a fake smile, trying to laugh off their flirtatious come-ons, having to come up with an excuse to get out of 'just one friendly drink'."

"I thought Richie helped you out there" said Annie.

"He does... many times. He always **wants **to go. But we're busy! Somebody has to get the actual work done while I try to drum up new business." Caroline complained plaintively "Oh Annie, why can't I just draw my strip? That's hard enough to do."

Annie wrapped her arms around Caroline and tried to comfort her.

Caroline wanted a drink.

......

Caroline took her daily Zoloft antidepressant tablet, and noticed it was the last one in the bottle. _"Damn!" _she thought. _"I'd better pick some up before tomorrow. But we're so busy, the deadline's only a few days away. Maybe I'll wait until the rush is over. What's a few days? I haven't felt depressed in a long time."_

......

Caroline was rushing through the hall at Cassidy Greeting Cards, when Garner, Del's brother, stopped her to make a snide remark. He always did that when they were alone.

"Caroline! What's the rush?... Slow down, have a drink... Oops, sorry... But it's not like anything you do matters... You'll never get fired, you've got big brother wrapped around your little finger."

......

Caroline was walking down the street towards a nearby restaurant for a meeting with potential clients. As she walked, she saw coming in the opposite direction, a mother with her ten year old retarded child. The mother held both his hands, her right arm crossed in front of his chest, to prevent him from losing his balance as they moved down the street. As Caroline approached, the boy uttered "Ahh... ahh... ahh...", agitated at the sight of a stranger. As she passed, Caroline greeted "Good evening!" The mother looked up wordlessly for just an instant, distracted by her son's agitation. Caroline saw she had the weight of the world on her shoulders. _"How sad"_ she thought.

......

The restaurant meeting with the potential clients was coming to a successful conclusion.

"Well, little lady, I think we can do business. Let's celebrate, what do you say?"

"Oh, I don't know..."

"Oh, c'mon... I wasn't going to say anything, but for a cartoonist, you seem awfully glum. You could use some cheering up... C'mon, I'll pay for the first round."

Caroline **was **sad. For some reason, the image of the sad mother and her son kept ricocheting around in her brain during the meeting. She **could** use some cheering up. What could one little drink hurt?

"Okay!"

......

Richard was busy painting, when he heard a gentle tapping at his door. _"Who could that be?"_ he wondered. Richard opened the door to see a somewhat tipsy Caroline standing before him.

"Caroline, what are you doing here?" He quickly smelled her breath. "Have you been drinking?"

"Is this my home?"

"Excuse me?"

"Is this my home? You once said "Home is where, when you go there, they have to let you in". So I wanna know, is this my home?"

"Come on in" Richard sighed. "Tell me what happened. Although I can guess."

"Things have been rough lately, Richard, you know that. I needed a drink, just to take the edge off. Just an eensy teensy little one. But one led to two, which led to three…"

"What about the Antabuse?" asked Richard.

"It was making me sick. I stopped taking it."

"Oh, Caroline" he clucked.

"Anyway, Annie caught me with liquor on my breath, and kicked me out. I need a place to stay. Could I please stay here, Richard?"

"Caroline, you know how I feel about you. But as much as I care about you, that's not what you need right now. You need to be in a place with more structure. You need to go to back to the halfway house. And you can't afford any more relapses! It's a good thing you didn't go off on a bender and miss work. Despite your solid work for the past five months, you still have an iffy reputation at Cassidy Greetings. Look, if you go to the halfway house and stay clean for awhile, I'm sure I can convince Annie to give you another chance."

"I guess I really don't have any choice, do I, Richard?"

"No, Caroline."

"Oh Richard, is the rest of my life gonna be like this – for every step forward, there's one step back?" Caroline sighed.

"I don't know, Caroline. You just have to face each day, one day at a time. Remember, you're the one that told me that, when you were talking about your recovery. C'mon, let's go to Annie's, pick up a few things, and I'll take you to the halfway house."

"Okay Richard" she sighed, as the both walked out the door.


	16. Caroline in Richard's Mother's Womb Cha...

**Caroline in Richard's Mother's Womb**

Chapter 16

During the day, Caroline continued to work at Cassidy Greeting Cards. At night, at the halfway house, she applied herself more than ever to breaking her alcohol habit, and learning from her mistakes. Her biggest mistake had been her pride. When things were going well, she thought she could handle things herself, without help from anyone. It had taken this incident to demonstrate to her how quickly, given the wrong conditions, a little thing could trigger her to start drinking again. Caroline was grimly resolved to beat her problem, and determined to let others in, let them know when she was feeling weak and vulnerable, and when she did something that added to her risk.

******

A month later, Annie came to pick up Caroline at the halfway house, and bring her back to her apartment to stay. Richard had convinced Annie to give Caroline yet another chance. During the cab ride back, Caroline apologized to Annie.

"Annie, thank you for taking me back. I'm so, so sorry, not just for drinking, but for making you put up with this. You're the best, best friend anyone's ever had. I swear to you I've learned my lesson. I swear I'll **never **take another drink again."

"Oh hun... 'never' is a long time. Just swear to me that you won't drink today... and swear it every day."

"I will, Annie" Caroline sobbed, as she buried her head into Annie's side.

......

Her good cry over, Caroline was in better spirits by the time they reached Annie's building.

"You know, Annie, I hate to keep on imposing, it just that the only place I can afford on my own would be in Richard's neighborhood" Caroline shuddered.

"Don't mention it, hun. Anyway, I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy... well, I take that back, maybe I would wish it on Richie, but since he already lives there, I don't need to. Besides, it's fun havin' you around. That is, when you're not..."

"I know, I know..." responded Caroline. "Maybe some day I'll get my own place again... But right now, even though I'm doing a little better financially, I'm still only making a third of what I used to."

The reached her apartment, Annie unlocked the door, and as she opened it, they both were greeted by a chorus of "SURPRISE!!!"

"Wha...?" was all a stunned Caroline could get out.

"You didn't think we'd forget your 34th birthday, did ya?" Annie said, as she ushered Caroline inside.

The apartment was gaily decorated with balloons and banners. Food and drink (non-alcoholic) were spread out on the table. Del, Charlie, Richard, Angie, Remo, Mark, her AA sponsor, and Audrey and Trevor, fellow cartoonists from the office, were there, all wearing silly party hats. Even Salty got into the act, wearing a silly hat.

"Oh you guys! I don't deserve this!" Caroline started bawling.

"Hey! No crying! This is a first for me, a party with no booze. If you ruin it, I won't have any more" Annie said as she winked at Caroline.

After Caroline had greeted everyone, and they had congratulated her, Charlie declared "Alright, let's have the birthday girl blow out the candles on the cake, so we can eat, and then get on to presents!"

Angie got a strawberry cream sheet cake, decorated with "Happy Birthday Caroline" out of the refrigerator, put it on the table, and placed and lit some candles. Everybody started singing

_Happy birthday to you_

_Happy birthday to you_

_Happy birthday dear Caroline_

_Happy birthday to you_

Caroline drew a deep breath, and blew out the candles. Everybody applauded.

"What did you wish for?" Charlie asked.

"If I tell you, it's not supposed to come true. But actually, it's already come true" Caroline said, as she almost started to cry again.

Annie came up to her, and wrapped her arms around her. "Hey, none of that, sweetie. Let's open the gifts, huh?"

"Okay" Caroline sniffed, as Annie led her to the table with gifts.

She opened the first gift, from Angie. Inside the box she found a metal pan covered in aluminum foil. "It's my lasagna" explained Angie. "I know they only feed you garbage at that place."

The next gift she opened was from Remo. As Caroline removed the wrapping, she could hear a clinking sound inside. She opened the box, and saw several bottles. "I was thinking of an appropriate vino to go along with Angie's lasagna... but under the circumstances, I just got you some sparkling cider instead."

Caroline opened Audrey and Trevor's gift next. It was a set of artist's pencils. She thanked them "Thank you guys. I promise I'll make good use of these."

Her curiosity piqued, Caroline opened Charlie's gift next. It was a very small package. When she took off the wrapping paper, she saw a matchbox inside. She gingerly pushed it opened a quarter inch, and instinctively tossed it in the air when she saw insect antennae waving about inside. "EWW!!!!" she screeched.

Charlie picked up the matchbox and checked inside.

"What is it?!" asked Angie.

"It's 'Caroline', my pet cockroach. I named her after the birthday girl!" Charlie replied.

"Oh my god!" responded Angie.

"Don't worry! Everything's cool. I checked, getting dropped on the floor didn't hurt her, 'Caroline' is okay!" Charlie declared, as he offered the closed matchbox back to Caroline.

"Uh... no thanks, Charlie. I really appreciate it, but I couldn't possibly take 'Caroline' away from you... **Really**" said Caroline as she pushed the offering hand away.

"Okie dokie... Her brothers and sisters were really gonna miss her. But I figured, they all gotta leave the nest sometime!"

Annie warned Charlie "Charlie, I swear to god, if 'Caroline' gets loose, only one of you is gettin' out of this apartment alive".

"Okay, okay" said Charlie, as he carefully stuffed the matchbox in his pocket.

Caroline picked up a small package. It was from Mark, her AA sponsor. "Another small package" she said as she shook the box and heard a rattle. Caroline joked "I guess it's safe, it doesn't sound like a cockroach!"

As everybody laughed, Mark said "I promise it isn't!"

Caroline opened the gift, and found a "reminder" refrigerator magnet, a plastic hobo sitting atop a sign that read "Today I Am". Attached below the magnet was a one inch chain, and attached below that, instead on the plastic flip sign that came with the magnet, was a homemade cardboard sign that read "Drinking" on one side, and "Not Drinking" on the other.

"Just a little AA humor" said Mark. "It's to remind you daily how close we all are to that next drink, and how we always have to be on guard."

"Thanks, Mark" Caroline said, as she gave him a quick hug.

Next, Caroline opened Del's gift. It was in a small 4 by 4 by 1 inch box. When she opened it, she found a calendar inside.

"Surprise, Caroline! Your the first one on your block to get the latest 'Caroline in the City' product, a 2001 'Caroline in the City' cartoon-a-day tear away calendar! I used the last panel from 365 old strips. We won't start production for another seven months, in September, but I had the boys create a prototype for you. Just a little reminder to you to take things one day at a time. We have high hopes that this baby will make a ton of money for both you and Cassidy. It'll be the perfect gift for the first Christmas of the new millennium."

"You know, Del, not that it matters, but 2001, not 2000, will actually be the first year of the new millennium. I mean, the first millennium started on the year one, not the year zero" interjected Richard.

"Oh yeah?! Well, how come everybody celebrated the start of the new millennium last month, Einstein?"

"Because everybody is ig..." Richard started to argue, but was cut off by Annie.

"Alright! Beavis... Butthead... cut it out! This is supposed to be a party!"

"Sorry, Annie" a meek Richard and Del chimed in simultaneously.

"Thanks Del, I appreciate this" Caroline said as she gave Del a quick hug.

Two gifts left - Caroline chose to open Annie's next, she wanted to save Richard's for last. She unwrapped the gift, opened the box, and found a cell phone inside.

"Happy birthday, sweetie! You know, you'll have to pay the monthly fee yourself. But now we can talk anytime during the day without paying extra money."

"Oh, wonderful" groaned Richard.

"Shut up, Vlad!" Annie rebuked Richard, then turned to Caroline. "Seriously, hun. Keep this with you night and day, and if you even think about touching booze, you give me a call."

"Thanks Annie. I will, I promise" Caroline said as she gave her best friend a long hug.

Last of all, Caroline picked up Richard's gift. It was a medium-sized flat rectangle. As she picked it up, she could feel a wooden frame around the edges. "I wonder what this could be" Caroline teased Richard. She shook it, even though she knew she would hear nothing rattle. As she unwrapped it, Caroline saw a framed painting of a beautiful luminescent angel.

"It's your guardian angel. I don't believe in them, but I know you do. She's here to protect you from... from... everything."

Caroline got misty eyed. "Oh Richard... thank you... it's beautiful. But, you know, I already have several guardian angels in this room." Caroline went over and intended to give Richard a quick peck, but once they started, the kiss kept lasting longer and longer.

After awhile, the other guests started hooting and hollering, so they broke off their kiss.

The last present opened, Charlie went to the sound system he had brought over, and said "Okay, let's get this party rockin'! Let's dance!" as he turned on the music.

......

After the last guest had left, Caroline turned to Annie and said "Oh Annie, thanks so much for throwing this party. It's just what I needed. When I got out of the halfway house, all I saw was temptation and a grim fight with alcoholism for the rest of my life. But you made me realize, that with the support of my friends, the fight needn't be so grim. Thank you Annie."


	17. Caroline in Richard's Mother's Womb Cha...

**Caroline in Richard's Mother's Womb**

Chapter 17

Caroline entered the Cassidy Greeting Cards office that she and Richard shared with a contented grin.

"Hey Caroline. How was Jennifer's office baby shower?" Richard asked without looking up from his work, not really interested in the answer.

"It was wonderful Richard. You should have seen the cute little gifts…" Caroline's voice trailed off when she noticed Richard grimacing for an instant as he continued to work. "…But we should really get back to work. We're really busy."

_"Oh, thank god"_ thought Richard.

Despite that, Caroline's mind wandered back to babies a few minutes later. "Richard, did you ever wonder what it would be like to have kids?"

"No. Thank god I won't ever have to worry about that."

"What? You mean you **never** want to have **any** kids?"

"Not really" Richard replied without thinking.

"Oh" said Caroline, who became silent for several minutes.

Although he enjoyed working in silence, after awhile, the lack of chatter signaled to Richard that something was bothering Caroline. He wracked his brain to remember the last thing that was said. "Caroline, when I said I didn't want children, what I meant was, if it was my choice alone, I wouldn't have any. But, of course, that's a decision a couple makes together. If I really loved someone, and she **really** wanted babies, I'd have to at least consider it. At least one, anyway, then we'd see how it went. I mean, the reason I don't want any kids is because I remember my childhood. Why have a child, just to expose it to all that pain? But I suppose, if a man and a woman really loved each other, it wouldn't necessarily have to be that way."

Inwardly, Caroline smiled at Richard's last remarks.

******

Caroline stood at the front of a rec center in a neighborhood park. There was a small crowd, sitting on aluminum folding chars, facing forward. Richard sat, trying to be inconspicuous, in the back.

"Hi. My name is Caroline. I'm an alcoholic."

"Hi Caroline" the small crowd voiced in unison.

"I woke up this morning wanting a drink. I wanted a drink, like I have wanted a drink every morning for the past two years. Like I will want a drink every morning for the rest of my life. But this morning…"

……

Caroline and Richard were walking back, hand in hand, to his apartment from the Alcoholics Anonymous meeting.

"Thank you for coming to the meeting, Richard. It was important to me."

"Thank you for inviting me, Caroline. This is a part of your life that you've shut me out of for a long time."

"I know, I know… I've tried to keep these two parts of my life separate because… I don't know. Maybe I was embarrassed. Maybe I was ashamed about my weakness. Maybe I thought you wouldn't understand. I mean, only another alcoholic can **really** understand."

"That may be true, Caroline. But I'd like to try."

"I know" said Caroline, as she stopped and tenderly touched his cheek. "I'm sorry I shut you out." Changing tone, she queried "So, what did you think?"

"Well Caroline, I'm glad you found a program with structure, and people who understand and support you."

"Yeah. It helps. They help."

They started walking again, silently.

After awhile, Caroline asked "Did I detect a note of skepticism?"

"No Caroline, no! If it helps you, it's absolutely wonderful!"

"But you don't believe in it?"

"For help with your problem, what I believe doesn't matter. It's what you believe that's important" Richard responded.

"Granted. But just out of curiosity, what do you think is wrong with AA?" she asked.

"Caroline, I really don't want to…"

"Please Richard. What you think is important to me."

"Well okay" Richard answered reluctantly. "I had heard of the "12 steps" before, but I had never seen the list of steps before tonight."

"And…?"

"Overall, I'm quite impressed with most of it, and anybody who has the guts to follow it through" he said, as they stopped, and he stroked Caroline's hair. "I mean, it must be quite wrenching to upend your way of thinking, your actions, your entire way of life."

"It is" Caroline admitted. "But it's necessary. Did you know that, once addicted, an addict's brain's pleasure center is wired to directly respond to the substance she's addicted to? That's why I'll always have the craving, and no matter how long I stay dry, I'll always be an alcoholic." She then prodded Richard to continue "So you're impressed with most of it, but…"

"But… Caroline, are you sure we want to have this discussion?"

"Yes, Richard."

"Well, okay. But… the part about surrendering yourself to a power higher than yourself… They're obviously talking about God. But I've always believed that God, if he exists, helps those that help themselves."

"**If** God exists, Richard? Don't you believe in God?"

"I may quip a lot, but the truth is, I'm not sure. Or if he does exist, I think sometimes he likes to look down from heaven and laugh at our foibles, and sometimes play tricks on us. On me, anyway."

"Richard!" Caroline exclaimed, appalled.

Noticing how disturbed she was, Richard quickly added "But, even I have to admit, if God does exist, he's created a lot in this world that's wonderful. Like you" he said, tenderly stroking Caroline's face.

"Oh Richard…"

"Religious beliefs can't be verified, Caroline. You either have faith, or you don't. There's no objective proof. I'll be the first to admit, my beliefs could be completely wrong, there's no way to know. I have no problem with people who believe differently than me. What bugs me are people that have beliefs, and think that their way is the only way, that there is no possibility that they're wrong in any aspect, that anybody who disagrees with them is either an infidel, a heretic, or a fool."

"Well, I agree with you about that" said Caroline.

_"Uh huh"_ thought Richard, making a mental note to himself.

******

Richard had been seriously thinking about his relationship with Caroline for awhile. He loved her, of course, and wanted to be with her always, but something had always held him back. He thought Caroline cared for him also, but worried that some day she would realize that she was too good for him. After Julia, he wanted to make sure they'd be together for a long, long time. Richard knew that he and Caroline are different types of people, and that they had their differences. But, by accident, they had had some discussions in recent days about those issues which often come between couples. Those discussions had made him certain that the differences they had, were differences that they could live with.

Richard still felt guilty and ashamed that he had abandoned Caroline when she needed him most, and vowed that would never happen again. He remembered that night, two years ago, when it all started…

 - - -

It was dark in Richard's apartment. Richard and Julia were in bed, sleeping. Suddenly, the sound of the telephone ringing pierced the silence. Richard got out of bed, stumbled over to the table, and picked up the phone. Annoyed and half asleep, he answered "Somebody better be dead."

Richard heard Annie's voice on the line. Her tone was grave and harsh. "Richie, you're gonna answer the phone that way once too often, and live to regret it."

Instantly awakened by the tone of Annie's voice, Richard became frightened. "Annie! What's the matter?"

"It's Caroline… she's been in an accident."

Richard's heart stopped when he heard those words. "Oh my god, oh my god. Annie, is she… is she…?"

Hearing the fear in Richard's voice, Annie softened her tone. "No Richie. Calm down, she's alive. Her injuries are serious, but she's not in danger of dying."

"Thank god" Richard said, finally exhaling. Regaining his composure, he asked "So, what happened, Annie?"

"I'm not sure about all the details. Caroline came over crying, 'cause she and Trevor had broken up." Some part of Richard's brain rejoiced at hearing that news. Annie continued "So we went to a bar and started drinking. But I had to leave, 'cause I'm singing at a club. She was gonna come watch, but she wanted to finish her drink first. Next thing I know, a waitress at the club was giving me a message that a friend of mine had an accident, and was in the hospital."

"Oh my god!"

 - - -

That's when it all started. Caroline came home from the hospital addicted to morphine, used there to kill her pain. When she lost access to it, she switched to booze. Personally and professionally, Caroline got worse and worse as the months rolled by, until finally, Eagle Greeting Cards went bankrupt. On Julia's insistence, Richard cut himself off completely from Caroline after they stopped working together. But the truth was, even before then, Richard had withdrawn from Caroline. When she tried to talk to him about her problem, he would freeze emotionally, do his work, and couldn't wait to leave. That feeling still gnawed at him, every time he thought about her drinking. But that day, the day when Caroline came back into his life, the day Charlie brought her to the apartment, Richard vowed he would dedicate his life to doing what he could to make her life better. And now…

******

Caroline and Richard were in his apartment when they heard a knock on the door. A nervous Richard quickly jumped up. "That must be the take out we ordered. I'll get it."

Caroline moved towards the table. "Let me get some money from my purse…"

"No! That's fine, my treat" Richard quickly replied to a confused Caroline, as he opened the door.

"Delivery from Happy Garden" said Tim, a Chinese lad. He had a conspiratorial grin on his face, and winked at Richard as he handed him the boxes.

"Thanks. Here's your tip. Now get out of here!" ordered a nervous Richard.

"Five bucks! Gee thanks!" exclaimed Tim. "Good luck" he whispered and left.

"Why did you give him a five dollar tip? It's only take out" asked Caroline.

"Oh…uh, he was especially prompt and courteous tonight."

"Uh huh" Caroline said, dubiously.

Later, towards the end of dinner, Caroline picked a small plastic bag with her chopsticks out from the bottom of the box of Cold Sesame Noodles. "What's this?" she wondered aloud. Caroline wiped the sauce away from the outside of the bag, and saw a ring inside. She gasped, turned towards Richard, but he had already moved to her side, down on one knee.

"Caroline…" Richard started. Before he could utter a second word, Caroline was already crying. "…I've loved you for a long time. Maybe, in some ways, from the moment we met. I've been thinking of asking you to marry me for awhile, but after Julia, I was extra cautious, I wanted to be sure. I thought I loved Julia, but as it turned out, I only loved my fantasy of Julia. But I love **you** Caroline. I know you, with all your problems, and I love **you**. I want to spend the rest of my life with you, Caroline. Will you marry me?" Richard asked, as he offered her the ring.

Caroline began to hyperventilate and shake uncontrollably. She got up and said "I'm sorry Richard… I can't… give you an answer right now." Crying, she got up and ran out of the apartment.


	18. Caroline in Richard's Mother's Womb Cha...

**Caroline in Richard's Mother's Womb**

Chapter 18

Richard sat in his apartment in a state of shock. It had taken him quite a bit of nerve to ask Caroline to marry him. He had known for a long time that he loved her. He felt she cared for him also. He had convinced himself that they could be happy together. He had finally overcome his doubts about his inadequacies.

But now, those doubts were gnawing at him again. _"I knew it!"_ Richard thought. _"Caroline wants a friend to support her. She wants someone safe to have a good time with. But when it comes to 'forever' she wants someone who's not such a loser! Why did I ever think Caroline would want to marry me?"_ he thought dejectedly.

After feeling sorry for himself for several hours, a thought crossed Richard's mind which sent him into sheer panic. _"Caroline! Oh my god, Caroline…! She left here under pressure from me, her supposed rock of support… left here agitated, upset, and alone... She'll want a drink. I've got to find her!"_

It was Friday night. Richard had planned to propose, and then spend the whole weekend with Caroline, celebrating. Now all Richard could think of was, it was a whole weekend Caroline could spend on a bender. Friday night… he called Annie, Del, even Charlie, all out. _"I've got to find her"_ Richard thought, as he went out the door. _"I'm stupid, stupid, stupid! If she comes to harm…"_

Richard went out, and checked every nearby bar, until five a.m., when the last bars closed. He continued checking for two more hours, looking into alleys, by stoops, into every little corner where she might curl up and drink, but with no luck. He finally gave up. _"I can't do this forever. I've got to get some sleep before I continue"_ he thought, then went home.

……

Richard got home, and there was Caroline, sitting on the edge of the Murphy bed, slumped over, hands in her face, staring straight ahead. "Caroline!" he exclaimed.

"Richard…"

"I've been worried sick, Caroline. I thought you were going to start drinking."

"So did I…" responded Caroline.

"Where did you go?" Richard gently asked, as he sat beside her, and puts his arm around her.

"I was scared…" she said, as she started weeping softly.

Richard started gently rocking with her, back and forth. "I'm an idiot. I put you under too much pressure. I can only see that I want you… I want to be with you, forever. I shouldn't have pushed. I can see why you're scared. You're scared of being stuck with a loser like me. I abandoned you when you needed me most."

Caroline confessed "Oh honey, I'm scared… not of being stuck with you, but of disappointing you and losing you… I'm afraid of losing control of my feelings again. I'm afraid if I love you completely, then lose you again, I'll fall apart… Every day, I want, I crave a drink. I'm afraid if I stumble again, you won't want me anymore, and leave me again. And I couldn't bear that… Everyone thinks my problems started the day of the accident. They didn't, they started the day you married Julia. I thought I could, but I just couldn't deal with the fact that I had lost my sincere amore... The drinking just made things a lot worse... The last time I thought that I had lost you, I fell into a pit I thought I'd never get out of." Caroline was crying as she finished.

"Caroline, I have something to confess to you also. When I abandoned you, it was only partly because of Julia's jealousy. The truth is, when you started drinking heavily, I got scared… I looked at you, and saw my mother… a doper and boozer who made my childhood miserable… I was afraid you'd be like her, making impossible promises one minute, forgetting my existence the next… But that's no excuse, I'm so sorry I abandoned you." Richard barely got the last sentence out through his sniffling.

They sat there silently, holding each other, rocking back and forth.

Caroline stopped rocking, and turned to face Richard. "Richard… let's face our fears together."

Richard smiled weakly. He got the ring out of the plastic bag. "Does that mean you want this?" he shyly asked as he again offered her the ring. "You know, this is the same ring I gave Julia. She sent it back with the divorce papers, said she didn't want anything that reminded her of me. I'm sorry, I couldn't afford anything else" he apologized. Richard gazed directly into her eyes, and again asked "Caroline, will you marry me?"

"Oh Richard… Yes. Yes, I will marry you" Caroline said through her tears as she put on the ring, then gave Richard a tender kiss. "I don't care if Julia wore it before, or how much it costs, I love it" Caroline said as she admired her new ring. "I love it 'cause it comes from you." She briefly reflected on her troubles and smiled. "All my troubles of the past two years… maybe that all had to happen to lead me right to this moment. I can't tell you how happy you make me. After all I've done, I can't believe I deserve this happiness. Do you remember, I once joked that we were family, and another time I asked if this was my home?" Richard nodded. "Well, now we **are** family, and this **is** my home." With perfect contentment, Caroline sighed, then kissed and embraced Richard.

**The End**


End file.
